Personal notes

Some where today I read a blog about a woman who had a mother who did not love her. I read her story and found that we were alike in several instances. Her mother was a self possessed model who did not want her child. Mine was a 17 year old girl who married a 33 year old man with 2 children in his home. She thought she was getting a position as mine managers wife, he was getting a 17 year old bride and some one to look after his kids. It was a bad bargain all around. I remember our first meeting, she told my brother who was 5, I was 3, that she wasn't our mother and now get out of the house until we were called in.When we were called in I was always sent to my room because I was being punished for something I had done wrong. My brother would just look at her and scream "I hate you"I t never got better than that, I could go on for hours and hours about all the pain my brother and I went through, but   ****News*** THAT WAS THEN , THIS IS NOW.. These words were what made me see every thing in a different light. I hated myself because I was never able to feel love or affection, and I grew up that way , and I had no self esteem until I was 57 years old, and I took a life skills coaching course. there I heard stories better than my own and some much worse, and we were all searching for a way to be able to love ourselves, we didn't know that, that was just something every one of us needed. and I suspect that there  are a lot more people out there who need to learn that exact same thing
If were are not able to love ourselves we can not let others love us, we do not feel worthy, and most of the time push love or caring away, after all how can any one love us if we can not love ourselves.
But as I said that was then and this is now, and I know that I am a warm loving ,caring person, and yes I do want and need love, and am more than willing to give it as well.