written by Jason M Garcia, from It's all about women

Are you waiting for permission?

For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.

I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.

And then it hit me.

I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.

There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.

In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.

If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.

I hereby grant you lifelong permission.

I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.

You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.

And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.

I grant you permission.

I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.

I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.

I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.

I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.

I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.

I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.

Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.

You can do it. It’s OK.

Secrets no more

For years and years i have been a hoarder, at one time it was out of control, and some one  had to step in and help me. My home was never taken down to clean shiny you see on tv, but it was a lot less stuff around and I felt comfortable. But never comfortable enough to have some one new visit me in my home.I dreaded the days we had fire alarms and smoke detectors inspected because I had to let a stranger into my home or pay a fine and still have some one come back.When Jim lived with me , I tried to keep the hoarding down to a minimum, and he said it never bothered him. When he left I cleaned up my place and got rid of a lot of stuff, and yet I was and am still ashamed of my place,
This brings me to the present day, I made friends with a lady down the hall last march we go swimming together 3 times a week, I often visit her place and chat and have coffee, but I could never invite her into my place because of all the clutter. Yesterday my daughter was visiting me and Ann dropped over to ask me something, My daughter answered the door and of course invited her in. She talked to me a bit and asked me about the new bedding I had purchased and I told her I was not using it as it didn't look right in my bedroom, because my bedroom doesn't look like a bed room, it looks like a storage room for cloths.
Now she wants to help me make my bed room beautiful, and all sorts of stuff, and that is giving me panic attacks no end. I know she has good intentions  and means well, but honestly I don't want a beautiful bedroom. I know that sounds odd, but to me a beautiful bed room is like a show case to be looked at only and not used . I honestly can not say why I ever bought the bedding as it is a comforter and 5 fancy pillows that are beautiful but in reality a pain in the but as they end up on the floor when I go to bed or take a nap. What I have done is make more work for my self because I liked something in a store. And in fact I also own one other bedding set that is similar to this one and it to is in a box because it didn't look right.
Some how I have to find the courage to tell Ann that Yes I appreciate her wanting to help me but I do not want the room she has in her mind.

a LOVE LETTER TO MYSELF

  ROBIN'S CREED

I am a beautiful, happy healthy woman.I feel wonderful.My self confidence is back.

I am happy to do what ever it takes to live in a clean safe comfortable environment.

I am true to myself, and do not need to do any thing that is not good for me.

I will send out an aura of love, peace,and respect, and will accept the same back.

I am working every day on myself for myself.

I will every day express an attitude of gratitude for all the wonderful changes I see in my life.

I will love and respect the person I am because in this moment of time it is all perfect and as it is. 

living in the moment

for some reason i seem to have found something that I must learn, I found Byron Katie's site and have read and listened to her and I love it, As well I keep coming across other people who have written about living in the moment. I admit I thought it would be difficult. I t will take practice and work to do every day, and I am not even sure if I have got it, but I find myself very calm and not running around day dreaming or wishing or trying to manipulate what isn't real into something I want to be real. I would say my stress level is down to 40 percent as I said I am not sure if I got her message straight, and the reason why I say this I keep trying to argue with it. As in well that might work for that but I can see it working on this. I am thinking I must do the work and it will come to me.But I can not state how much better I feel as I don't have all the voices in my head telling me stuff that I thought was true and in fact was just a held on to for dear life belief.
I find that a lot of the self hatred I had for myself because I believed I was stupid, dumb, and just plain worthless are most certainly not true in fact any thing but. I didn't get to this wonderful age by luck. And if I was just a worthless piece of human flesh I assure you I would not be here.
I am and I am loving my life more now than I ever have in my life. I am happy and for no reason I can put my finger on,so this is good stuff, and will continue to work on it

Important information about Byron Katie

I found this wonderful beautiful wise woman on another site, some one was talking about attending one of her classes. so I Google her name. Wow what a woman and her "work" is just incredible and extremely incite ful
She has loads of work sheets you can download and gets you thinking from a whole new perspective. Please look her up.
The following pretty much is how
 she came to her being who she is
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always

I feel wonderful

A bit more than a week ago I was really feeling down in the dumps, and decided I needed something to help me help myself. So  on a piece of paper I wrote out Robin's Creed. I read this piece of paper as many times a day as I need to. and it is working
So I am going to write it down here
Robin"s Creed
I am a beautiful, healthy woman.
I feel wonderful.
My self confidence is back.
I am happy to do what ever it takes to live in a clean comfortable environment..
I am true to myself.
I do not need to do any thing that is not good for me.
I will send out an aura of Love and respect and will accept same back.
I am working on myself every day, and I love and respect the person I am.
When I read this tonight , I had a huge smile on my face because it is becoming more and more true every day. When I wrote this I did it as just an after thought but I am so happy I did it and kept it
Wonderful day

something new I have noticed

The other day when I faced my fear about never finding love, and how I have looked for it, and some how in order to make my self feel better I found food. I never saw it as comfort, more like punishment, I would be there stuffing my self, and all the time the self heckling was going on. the more talk the more I ate, I at one time was 280 pounds and I am only 4 feet 10 inches tall, I was easier to step over than go around. I did have small bowel bypass surgery and it helped to a point, but I have always been at least 80 pounds overweight since.
Any way I haven't had the feeling nor compulsion to stuff my self, in fact I found that I wasn't even interested in eating every thing off my plate never mind going back for seconds. It is like I have no need to stuff, I am learning to love myself flaws and all, I am not being so harsh on myself. I feel so much more balanced, I love this feeling and willingly will work to keep this feeling.
It's a great day

A creed to live by Nancye Sims

A Creed To Live By
~ Nancye Sims

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.

Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other. Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

What am I avoiding

I read a note today and part of it asked me to face my fears, as well ask my self what am I avoiding
My biggest fear is I will never find any one to love me. I feel as if I have been starving for love all my life.But the avoiding was an even bigger surprise, Accepting my self as I am, Accepting all my flaws, I am not perfect, but WHO is .
In writing that single statement opened a whole new way for me to see, not only myself but others. because I am much more harsh with myself than I am with others. I for the most part accept anyone pretty much they way they are , Yes I may not care for some of the things they do, but that is them, and if I want to continue being friends then I have to accept them.
As for my self, not so much, I am almost always angry with something I am doing or thinking . The self talk is mostly rage, about how could I be so stupid, What is wrong with you?, are you ever going to learn, I give up. I sound like a very frustrated parent talking to a child , and the child has totally tuned out the parent. I have raged so long at my self, I don't even want to listen any more so I find other ways to amuse my self and other ways to comfort myself, because I feel so bad for not being what I want.
I believe I was told that I should treat every one like they were my best friend, and I do, now I have to start doing that for myself. For who knows me better than me, and while I may not live up to all my own expectations, perhaps I will if I get encouragement rather than rage, and if I get more understanding I might be able to work better, with less stress.
I remember when I was working I was always afraid I wasn't doing the job perfectly, and that at any moment I might be fired,
Wow do I have some work in front of me, and it is going to take time and patience,
I must think of seeing a perfect tree going down a long road, it is beautiful, green I love it, as I get closer it looks a bit worn and tattered, but still lovely, standing under that tree, it is scared, broken missing a lot of leaves, but still so beautiful as it is now protecting me, from the sun or rain . This is how I must see myself each and every day.. I am not perfect, but I have qualities that have made me stronger and better, not weaker and smaller. I am me and all that I am is the result of being here and living each and every day, I believe that from here on those days will be a bit softer and a bit more mellow, because I am going to love me with all the scars and broken bits, that is called character

this was taken from a blog written by Kute Blackson, about suffering can be an addiction

Suffering is optional. Suffering is a choice.

Suffering comes from your story about what is happening in your life and less about what is actually happening. What is happening is simply what is happening. The suffering part comes from all your interpretations and meanings about the experience.

Change your story and the way you are interpreting reality and you begin to change your reality. When you change your reality within yourself you shift your experience of your reality outside. Once you understand this, you only suffer if you choose to.

What stories are you telling yourself about your life, your partner, your current experience that is causing you suffering?

Here are 7 Keys to creating suffering:

1- Resist everything: Resist what is. Resist reality. Fight against what is happening in your life with all your might. This is a guaranteed method to suffer.

Key Solution: Accept what is, so that you can then decide how to shift it.

2- Holding the belief: “The experience that is happening to me should not be happening to me. I should be having some other experience than the one I am having. This shouldn’t be happening to me.” You have probably heard yourself doing some version of this. It just keeps you stuck.

Key Solution: Embrace your current experience. Your current experience is the experience that you are meant to be having because you are having it right now. Trust, and focus on what you can learn and how you can grow. The experience is here to help you evolve.

3- Focusing on all the things that you cannot control. This will only cause you to feel completely helpless and disempowered. It will leave you in a state of worry and anxiety. Some of us are professional “worriers”. No matter how much you worry it doesn’t actually change the situation. Once you are done worrying the situation will be the same. Worrying is a waste of time.

Key Solution: Focus on what you can control. Take actions that are in your power, step by step.

4- Refusing to change. Keep doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. Well, as Einstein said, that is the definition of insanity. Are you so set in your ways that you are afraid of giving up the known suffering for the unknown possibility of happiness?

Key Solution: Embrace change. Be willing to do something different. Let go. Go into the unknown. Take different actions.

5- Give up your responsibility: Be a victim. Play the blame game making everyone else at fault or responsible for your life and how you feel. Unless you take responsibility for your current experience then you are powerless to change it.

Key Solution: Take full responsibility for your current reality and decide what changes you are committed to making. Give up blame.

6- Focus on everything that is wrong in your life. Whether a relationship or a person. When you focus on what is wrong, you will surely find what is wrong. You will end up creating more of what is wrong to feel wrong about. Then the negative cycle continues.

Key Solution: Start focusing on what you are grateful for.Remember all your blessings, and appreciate that daily. What you appreciates, expands. What you thank about comes about.

7- Denial: Lie to yourself and others. Pretend that everything is fine when you know that it isn’t. When you avoid facing what is, you end up staying stuck and repeating the same patterns of pain, and relationship. This only ends up prolonging your suffering.

Key Solution: Tell the truth to yourself first. Tell the truth to those in your life. Be honest. Face reality.

Life is too short to waste spent suffering. Most of what you worry about today you won’t even remember a few months from now. Most of what you are trying to change in people today, you won’t care about on your deathbed.

You hold the padlock and you hold the key to your freedom

What every woman should know by Maya Angelou's, a must read

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... 
enough money within her control to move out 
and rent a place of her own, 
even if she never wants to or needs to... 
something perfect to wear if the employer, 
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. 
a youth she's content to leave behind.... 
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to 
retelling it in her old age.... 
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... 
one friend who always makes her laugh.... and one who lets her cry.. 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ........ 
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... 
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, 
and a recipe for a meal, 
that will make her guests feel honored.... 

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. 
a feeling of control over her destiny... 
how to fall in love without losing herself... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... 
how to quit a job, 
break up with a lover, 
and confront a friend without; 
ruining the friendship.... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.... 
when to try harder.... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY.... 


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... 
that she can't change the length of her calves, 
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. 
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... 
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more.... 
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. . 
whom she can trust, 
whom she can't, 
and why she shouldn't take it personally.... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... 
where to go... 
be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. 
or a charming Inn in the woods.... 
when her soul needs soothing... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... 
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... 
a month...and a year... 

insight from others

Promise me this, that you will not allow life to harden your heart because it will if you allow it. Always stay open to the possibilities of a new Love, it could be right in front of your face, and always have faith that God wants you to be happy and he has wonderful things planned for you
I have been getting emails from Rori Raye, she seems to be inside my head and can see all the dumb stuff I have been doing.the Toxic relationships I have had. Her descriptions are dead on the money, So it would appear that I am not the only person in the world to do what I have done.I am most tempted to get her books and site it is expensive but what I have going for myself sure in the hell is not working for me.
I have to think about this as it seems to be a tidy investment, and no promise of guarantees