Open my eyes that I may see the beautiful gifts I have for the

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A few days ago I sat on the edge of hell, it was hideous, evil, and a horror show. A soft voice beside me told me I was born loving, caring but I could/would not take the pill. My friend was standing in hell and I gave him the message compassionate person, but that I had been led astray in my quest to help
Today is May 19 and the vision that I had is fading away and I still worry about my friend as he chose to remain where he was. I was so devastated that I could /would not watch him be destroyed, and for a month I never spoke to him. We are speaking again but it like I have lost all feelings for him. I tried so many times and failed them all. so now I speak but do not worry near as much as before,
I guess it is true that we make our own fate.
Speaking of switch I have found a new friend he is a lovely man but I know very little about him so no rushing and hurry to get involved. Yes I want a companion but will it work out I have no idea, only time will tell. I do have good feelings about him again time will tell