100 wise words borrowed from stumbleupon

I wish you enough, borrowed from post on FB

When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

8 ways to declutter your mind, borrowed from face book

borrowed for face book photo from Sheri Shares

borrowed from Soulseeds, with gratitude

hero's death

A true friend doesn’t just talk of caring about you. They walk, rhumba and salsa their talk. They’re there when you need ‘em―and even when you say you don’t need ‘em―but really kinda do.

A true friend always tells you the truth―including the stuff you haven’t been truthful about yourself. 

You feel safe to talk to them about serious things―or the most absolutely goofiest things. 

Plus you can sit in silence with them and still feel understood.

A true friend roots for blessing to happen for you―and they do what they can to be one of your blessings

Found this on face book thought it was worth saving

Responsibility - Pookeys poem

Responsibility
~Pookey's Poems

You want to be taken serious But you don’t want to do the work Time to get off your butt And do the promises you start

Wanting responsibility Means you can be relied on And not following through Means you’ve played us a con

Good intentions get you so far It works for only for a while When you string us along Your word will mean nothing at all

Be respectful of your family And not lie to their face Because it just may come back Like a slap across the face

So don’t be surprised When the consequences are weighed They might come from your pocket Or our promises made

So come clean with the lies We can work it all out But don’t bite the hand that feeds you You don’t want to go without

Rant from the house

I am so tired and angry, mostly at myself for not being true to myself. I have a sort of friend, at one time I thought him to be my soulmate but , he proved time and time again that he was not. we separated and even knowing what kind of person he is I still wanted him back. Not to live with but rather as friend,
I was convinced that I could tolerate him in a friendship manner, but again I am questioning even that move.
All I know is when we are together I am happy, but with reservations, and when we are apart I wonder what he is up to.
This is where the anger comes in because I have kept a distance between us, he has chosen to treat me with far less consideration that I deserve.
My question to myself is has my keeping a distance from him and his visiting other women friends, in my mind he has reverted to his old ways, and this is not just with me but he also did this with his wife. I know he feels that he has to have as many admirers as possible hanging on his coat tails, and I know he doesn't give a fig for any of us,
All he wants is the pampering and petting  from all of us,
Now knowing this and I do, I am so angry with myself for hanging on to such a despicable person. I know what he is like and yet I call him and try to keep him as a friend, when I am treated like one of the haram.
I hate this as it makes me feel so used and shoddy.
I have never had a lot of friends and possibly that is why the ones I do have I treasure, and perhaps I expect that in return. Thus the feeling of being used.
The only recourse I can possibly see is to cut off this ally of despair and find my own way.
I am not dumb, I do know that when I am on my own I feel less than, but in this situation I am less than., the feeling I can work through, the situation is what it is, and that will not change, so I must.

First Aid for the Soul, borrowed from facebook

An excellent description of my life borrowed from Little Buddha and Authored by Tejal Patel

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Take a 5-minute quiz to feel better about life!
Becoming More Authentic: Accept Yourself and Stop Seeking Approval

By Tejal Patel
smiling

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

For most of my life, I was a chameleon. I stayed under the radar, hoping I’d blend in and not draw attention to myself. I was full of self-doubt, so I molded my personality and beliefs based on my company. I traded my authentic self for the security of being liked by my family and friends because of my fear of being judged.

By suppressing my opinions, I was perceived as easy going, but at what cost? I disrespected myself by allowing others to influence major decisions in my life. I didn’t trust myself to make choices for myself.

I withheld what I needed from others and was unable to communicate my emotions. My frustration of not being heard turned into anger whenever I did share my feelings with my family and significant other. In return I experienced anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, and self-loathing. That was a huge price to pay so others would accept and like me.

I become addicted to my story of the “broken girl” who compromised her integrity because her voice and emotions were neglected by her parents. I used my victim story to serve as an excuse for my bad behavior.

If I was “perceived” as a victim, I didn’t have to be held accountable for my bad choices.

I learned how to use others to get the love and attention I didn’t give myself. I defined my self-worth by comparing myself to others. I tried to be perceived as “perfect,” so I created unattainable standards that left me disconnected.

During my mid twenties I became exhausted of worrying about being inconsistent and acting differently around different people. I became disconnected to others and wasn’t able to cultivate meaningful relationships.

It requires real vulnerability to be authentic. What if I show my true colors and people don’t like the real me? Honestly, even as I write this article and think about people reading about my flaws it scares the bejesus out of me.

By 27, from the outside my life looked great, but on the inside I was on the verge of a breakdown. I was ready to create a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

I realized the world needs us to show up and share our gifts. There is more risk hiding our gifts from the world than expressing them. Our unexpressed ideas, dreams and gifts don’t go away. They destroy our worthiness and confidence.

There is no shortcut to authenticity. It requires commitment and real inner work. I dove deeply into my emotional mess and started feeling the pain I had repressed. I made the daily commitment to take the following steps to be more authentic:

Step 1: Forgive and love yourself.

I had to forgive myself for my past mistakes. My ego enjoyed replaying my bad choices and punishing me by making me feel unworthy of love. By cultivating kindness towards myself, I honored and accepted the past, learned my lessons, and started loving myself.

What Can You Do: Consider how you can learn from your past so you can do better going forward. Always be kind to yourself because you can only ever do your best. Be content with that.

Step 2: Be willing to make a change and own your mistakes.

I found the willingness to embrace my imperfections and shared them with others. I started speaking and writing about my challenges through my vlogs on my website. I had to acknowledge some unpleasant truths about myself. The biggest one was admitting I enjoyed my “victim” story. I felt it served me by getting me sympathy and attention from others. By humbly owning my mistakes, I repaired my self-worth and confidence.

What You can Do: Commit to making a change. Get clear and admit why you hold on to your pain. Why do you think it serves you?

Step 3: Create a daily practice.

I created a daily practice of living authentically. I took care of my mind, body, and spirit and nurtured a loving relationship with myself. I looked to those who already lived authentically and noticed a pattern of traits they master. Below, I’ve listed the most common attributes all authentic people share.

What You Can Do: If you feel disconnected or unable to speak your truth, identify which traits you need to cultivate in your life and create an intention to become authentic. Do the necessary inner work to reconnect to your truth and your authenticity will radiate through you.

The traits I’ve identified as common to authentic people:

Mindfulness.

Authentic people accept their life experiences and feel the emotions that arise. They don’t repress their feelings and let them fester up. Anxiety and guilt arise from not being present. If we doubt our ability to handle challenges in the future, we create anxiety. Guilt results from feeling bad about past mistakes or people we have hurt. Authentic people experience life challenges from a place of love, forgiveness, and gratitude.

Self-respect.

Authentic people are impeccable when they speak to themselves, about themselves and others. They are mindful of the energy behind words and believe they are worthy of love and peace of mind. They have a healthy approach to life by knowing there will always be naysayers, and their opinions don’t matter.

Courage.

Authentic people create their own rules based on the standards that resonate with them. They have the courage to live their lives based on what they believe is right. This type of empowerment gives them the inner strength to withstand temptation and build self-confidence. When you have the courage to share your shame and guilt, they no longer have power over you.

Boldness.

Authentic people don’t allow their fears to prevent them being themselves. If you are focused on being true to yourself in every moment, you are less concerned about the potential for rejection from others. Nothing is more liberating than being yourself as fully as you know how.

Being authentic is a daily practice. It is a moment-by-moment choice of embracing your truth and being fearless enough to share it with the world. When you have nothing to hide and you can freely be yourself with everyone, there is a profound peace and confidence you will exude to the world.

Photo by Stella Dauer

Avatar of Tejal Patel
About Tejal Patel

Tejal Patel is a former divorce attorney and mediator who reinvented her life and became a new generation spiritual inspirer and children’s yoga teacher. Tejal created Astitva Seekers, a place she inspires others to spread love, live consciously and create lasting happiness. Get Daily Inspiration on Facebook and Twitte

borrowed from soulseeds, a wonderful site

borrowed from Face Book, good wisdom

borrowed from Face book.time line photos, so cute

apparently written by a 90 year old, great common sense

45 Life Lessons, written by a 90 year old (author unknown)

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift

for my own reference

Wise words

Where has all the time gone?

Some time when I look in the mirror, I wonder who that old lady is. Most of the time I do not feel 70 what ever that is. Yes I get tired but not like when I was younger and had 2 children, a job and a home and husband to care for. In those days time dragged it's heels, then, when I looked in the mirror, I wondered, where my life was going.
It took me a very long time to understand that it was going nowhere and it was because I never had the where with all nor the courage to try to change it. I spent more years that I care to think of "hoping, wishing , and praying for it to change" It was finally when I realised no one was going to come along and "rescue" me that I made changes on my own. That was years in the making, and doing. I really wish there were some way I could take a young person aside and tell them what I have thus far learned.
But i suppose that a lesson taught is a lesson learned rather than some one telling you to not stay in any situation unless there was a plan and  an end.
I am almost sure when I was young and so very ignorant that I wouldn't have listened, all the time thinking that is you, and not me.
Any yet with all that I have learned and done, I feel as if I need at least 40 more years to actually enjoy the time I have had.
I do not believe I will get my 40, but I am going to give it a run for the money, and with my last breath I would like to be able to say wow that was wonderful.
So dear young ones, this lady does have a plan and an end, who lovely is that

this is authored by Melissa Dinwiddie from Tiny Buddha

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” ~Malachy McCourt

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

I didn’t particularly want to kiss him, but it had been a benign first date, and I didn’t know how to say no without hurting his feelings.

We were standing by my car in broad daylight, and what could be the harm, right? So I rather unenthusiastically nodded my head.

He, on the other hand, was quite enthusiastic, more than I was prepared for.

As he leaned in, I closed my eyes and endured the kiss, which most definitely did not tingle my toes. And it went on longer than I wanted, because again, I didn’t know how to end it without hurting his feelings.

So I waited. And after enduring a second, even longer, more enthusiastic, and less-desired-on-my-part kiss, I finally managed to extricate myself, thank him for lunch, slip into my car, and drive away.

I was relieved to be done with that date, and I was quite honestly annoyed. No, strike that—I was resentful.

This perfectly inoffensive man had now acquired a downright unpleasant aura in my mind. Couldn’t he read that I wasn’t interested? Why did he have to pull me into a second kiss? Oh, how I resented him!

As I navigated the waters of online dating in search of a compatible life partner, scenarios similar to this one played themselves out over and over.

After (I kid you not) 57 first dates in a two-and-a-half year period, I’m of the opinion that there may be no greater route to self-growth than dating, if you go about it with the amount of self-examination that I did.

One of the great gifts I got from my quest for a life partner was the realization that I needed to get clear in my own head where my limits were, before leaving my house for the date.

In fact, I needed to learn to set limits in a lot of areas of my life, and it was dating that taught me how! Before I gained this clarity, though, I got very familiar with the emotion of resentment.

I remember one moment, as I stewed with resentment towards a thoughtful, considerate, perfectly wonderful man, that I had an epiphany.

I’d allowed him to go just a tad further than I really wanted, but when I thought about it, the guy had done absolutely nothing wrong. He’d been a perfect gentleman, and would no doubt be horrified if he’d known his advances had been unwanted.

His good intentions and obvious respect for me forced me to question what was really going on here. Why was I resentful at him, I wondered?

The only one who really deserved the brunt of my anger, I realized, was myself. The guy was just following my hazy lead, and would have backed off in a heartbeat, if I’d simply asked.

That was when the light bulb clicked on over my head.

That was the moment it became clear to me that resentment isn’t anger with someone else at all; resentment is anger with oneself, misdirected at someone else through the lens of victimhood.

Everything changed in that moment.

When you’re trained to be a people-pleaser, like I was, setting clear limits is hard. It was easier to just go with the flow, and then get resentful and blame my dates when my true wishes weren’t magically honored.

It was easier to play the victim.

But playing the victim doesn’t lead to happiness or empowerment. And once I acknowledged to myself that this is what I’d been doing—playing the victim—I resolved to take responsibility.

When I realized that my resentment wasn’t serving any useful purpose, and that it was really me I was angry with for not setting clearer, stronger limits, I could release the resentment and work on making the changes I needed to myself.

The more I took responsibility for my desires—or lack thereof—and set clear boundaries with my dates, the less victimized I felt. And the fewer unwanted kisses I had to tolerate!

And of course, taking responsibility for yourself extends to every area of your life, not just first dates! Learning to set boundaries and communicate them is an essential tool for anyone looking for a happy life.

Resentment is anger with oneself, misdirected at someone else through the lens of victimhood.

This simple statement was like a magic formula for me. It became my mantra for a while, helping me chart a less turbulent course through my dating days.

Time for a Recharge

Knowing something and always integrating it in your life are two different things, however. I recently discovered that I needed to remind myself of my resentment epiphany.

That thoughtful, considerate, perfectly wonderful man I mentioned above? He’s been my life partner for over three years now, and he’s still perfectly wonderful.

He does not, however, have any interest in physical exercise.

I, on the other hand, am rather more concerned with my fitness than your average Joe. But even so, I don’t always reach my goal of daily exercise.

I want to be fit, but I don’t always want to pull myself away from other things and get to the gym.

In a psychology class I was taking, I learned that low physical fitness is actually “contagious.”

Studies have shown that people are more likely to become sedentary and/or obese when people in their close social network are sedentary and/or obese, and I latched onto this data just the other week, as I was frustrated with myself for letting work get in the way of my exercise commitments.

It would be so much easier to go to the gym if my partner had any interest in being my workout buddy! And it was so much easier to resent him for not having such an interest, than to take responsibility for my own failings.

Thankfully, before I got too deep in the poisonous pool of resentment, I remembered my epiphany from years ago: Resentment is anger with oneself, misdirected at someone else through the lens of victimhood.

Yes, it would be easier to get to the gym if my partner were gung-ho to get there himself, but he’s not to blame for my lack of exercise, I am.

I was the one who chose to keep pounding away at the computer instead of going to the gym! The responsibility was mine alone, and any anger directed elsewhere was a pointless waste of energy.

Whew! I felt like I’d escaped a close call. Instead of stewing in resentment toward my sweetie, I was filled with gratitude for the lessons I learned during my dating days!

It was a good reminder. Now my antennae are back up again, watching for the niggling feeling of resentment so I can nip it in the bud before it blooms.

Whether it’s unwanted kisses or a visit to the gym, when you take 100% responsibility and realize your anger is really toward yourself, resentment melts away and makes space for greater happiness.

borrowed from My Friend TERESA photography,

Listen. I hear you. You’re a few pounds heavier than you like (or a 100lbs heavier than you like). I completely understand how you feel. I get that same blah feeling about myself when I think about booking new head shots or long overdue pictures of me and Justin. Precious, I even picked a career that has me permanently behind the camera rather than in front of it. Seeing myself in pictures actually produces the faintest sick feeling in my stomach. Isn’t it amazing we can see the beauty in our best friends, sisters, mothers, and aunts without the slightest thought to their flaws . . . but can obsess for hours on our own imperfections? We fixate on our flaws to the point we shirk at any documentation that our round faces and curvy bodies ever walked the earth. No pictures to show how we LOVE, how we laugh, how we are treasured by our families. How is it possible that a double chin can overpower the beauty of a mother cuddling her child? How does arm fat distract from the perfect shot of a spontaneous hug? I swear y’all . . . how is it that we can put more value on a TUMMY ROLL than the captivating way you throw yourself into a roar of laughter during a shoot?

In our warped minds pictures become frozen mirrors that we can stare at as we pick apart our features over and over again.
I know girl. I know.

My personal duck-and-cover (or signature “make a funny face”) approach to having pictures of myself changed completely when I had a serious car accident last year (and started over). In the flash of a second (or a flash of the text message the young woman was reading) my entire life changed. I nearly left this earth with no physical evidence of the goofy, wide open and loud love I have for my life, my husband, my family and friends. I haven’t had professional pictures done since our wedding in 2006 . . . always waiting for this elusive moment where I would be thin enough (pretty enough) to have such a permanent record of me. Because, you know, HEAVEN FORBID there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.

So here is the harsh truth y’all. Listen good. Our vanity is no longer enough of a reason to avoid the camera. Life doesn’t wait until you “get thin” enough to capture it. Life is happening . . . it is happening right now and the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living. I shudder at the thought of leaving behind no pictures of my life with ME in it. My mom says of the accident she is “just glad that we’re still a whole family.” My gift to her this Christmas was a family portrait showing just that, 9 months post-accident . . . a whole family.



Do you know what my mom sees when she looks at this picture? Her beautiful family all together.
Do you know what my husband sees? The family he gained the moment he met me (and how much he looks like my dad…)
Do you know what my dad sees? The happy family he has worked for every day of his life.
Do you know what my brother sees? That he got away with wearing shorts…

Shocker: No one is looking at how fat I look.



Can we agree to put the value of family over the value of fat? Can we just accept that the weight you’ve been trying to lose for 5 years might actually just be a part of what you look like . . . and that if this magical day does come when you’re acceptably thin you’ll STILL regret not having any pictures of you with your kids from ages 5 – 10? Can we acknowledge that the insecurities we have in our heads will never be a part of how our children, husbands, and friends see us? Can we just please let our loved ones remember the YOU they love?

Your children want pictures with their mom.

Your husband wants pictures with his beautiful wife.

Your mom and dad want pictures of the happy, successful, amazing woman they raised (ok, and more pictures of the grandkids while you’re at it)

And if you’re thinking that high school friend on Facebook will say to herself (“wow she has gained weight”) then . . . newsflash you DID. You gained weight. Shed a tear. Read a book. Drink a Sweet Tea. Watch Oprah. Whatever it takes. Accept this reality . . . YOU GAINED WEIGHT. The truth is you’ve gained a lot of other things too (a career, a family, some kids, a house, a love for travel, the ability to coordinate your separetes . . . ) and that girl from high school is going to spend a lot more time hating on those things then she ever will on your double chin.

So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed? . . . Ok. But you’re the only one who notices. The rest of us are too caught up in loving you.

borrowed from Soulseeds, Authored by Loretta LaRoche

Bette Davis once said that getting old was not for sissies. She couldn’t have been more on the money.

Like most people, I never really understood or believed that I’d actually reach the same place as my mother was many years ago (not that I would want the alternative, which is not to be here at all). When she’d try to tell me about getting older, I dismissed her by saying, “Oh, you have plenty of time.” She’d counter with, “You’ll see.” Well, she was right. As my mother’s body began to betray her by becoming frail, her humor would continue to sustain her. She’d remind me that she had “the furniture disease.” When I asked her what that was, she quipped, “That’s when your chest falls into your drawers.”

Well, much of what she said is true: our minds and bodies change, and life becomes more of a challenge. The good news about aging in the 21st century is that many gains have been made in the area of health and quality of life. I love the fact that we have more options. What drives me crazy is the silly euphemisms that the culture continues to foster on the aging public. The whole concept of anti-aging is counterproductive. If you don’t age, you die! There are more products on the market today that are supposed to tighten, remove, erase, reduce, and reconstruct than ever before. In essence, our youth-crazed society wants you to look more like your grandchildren than like a grandmother. We cannot erase aging, but we can embrace it.

Creating a template that fosters a healthy mind, body and spirit will definitely enhance how we feel and look. That is the foundation that can support cosmetic possibilities. Filling wrinkles with Restylene or Botox and getting facelifts will not help a body devoid of healthy nutrients or a withered soul. However, obsessing about every morsel of food or becoming so invested in spending hours meditating and doing yoga poses is also not going to guarantee a long life. Red Fox, the comedian, said something I’ll always remember: “Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.”

The bottom line is that none of us is going to get out of here alive! I realize that much of what I’m saying is like “preaching to the choir.” Most of us are aware that exercise and healthy eating habits are essential to well-being and the ability to age well. What many of us don’t realize is how important it is to manage our stress levels. The latest, greatest research in the field of genetics has discovered that stress hormones not only can change gene expression for the worse, but they can also affect every tissue and organ in the body. How we manage stress helps breed resiliency, which is one of the quintessential benchmarks for aging well. There are many ways to reduce stress, but one that I espouse seems to be one that is not well recognized. I recommend “fun” to all my clients as one of the greatest anecdotes to stress, and the key to the ability to live a long, juicy life. When we stop looking for fun and “become the fun we’re seeking,” our mind, body and spirit relax and step into a “flow” mode. Is this easier said than done? Probably, since our culture only values fun as an end point to when the work is done. When we take ourselves less seriously and begin to realize that “we’re not here for a long time, but we are here for a good time” we tend to stop “catastrophizing” and “awfulizing.” There is plenty of research now that shows that humor, fun and a sense of playfulness actually can expand capillary function and help elicit endorphins. Yet few, if any, physicians ask their patients if they are having fun, laughing daily or creating goals for a life that is geared toward feeling joyful and passionate.

As I have aged, I have learned some very important lessons, one of which is that I must discover how to navigate my life so that I do not fall into old patterns of being a martyr, perfectionist or waiting for someone to rescue me. I realize that “no one is coming.” I’m in charge until I don’t know any better. This allows me to let go of old baggage, not be part of global whining groups or buy into guilt of “the gift that keeps on giving.” Join me in aging well by:

• making each day feel like a new beginning
• reinventing yourself on some level so that you don’t become your own “Groundhog Day”
• spend time in community with others
• become more involved in the pursuit of altruism
• find the bless in the mess
• laugh as often as possible
• keep a positive outlook: “if you think the worst and get the worst, you suffer twice; if you think the best and get the worst, you only suffer once

borrowed from Jonathan Mead

I love this piece, it describes me to a tee, I am a huge fan of Byron Katie, and she says that if you believe "what is, is" and quite fighting, for something that isn't, then our road will smooth out immediately.
The following borrowed piece just gives us some way to live in the "Now" and what to look for, Love it and I hope you do as well.

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Jonathan Mead

“Nothing reduces the odds against you like ignoring them.” ~Robert Brault

Do you ever wake up feeling like you’re battling yourself?

What’s worse is waking up in that battle and feeling like you’ve already lost before you’ve even started the day.

But think about that for a second: isn’t living this way crazy? We think it’s normal to be fighting ourselves. We’re taught we need to grind it out and make something of ourselves to be successful. We’re taught we need to become something.

And the underlying message is this: who we are right now isn’t good enough.

We’re starving for acceptance, but see ourselves as flawed, and we end up spending our lives in a quest to prove ourselves to the world and to ourselves.

THE FALLACY OF NEEDING TO EARN YOUR FREEDOM

When I was a kid I felt radically wild and free. And I bet you did too. But I also would bet that something changed and you don’t feel as free as you once did.

As a curious, adventurous lad, I felt like I could do anything, be anything, and create whatever I wanted. My imagination was my only limit.

But then somewhere along the way I started to hear the voices of my parents, teachers, and adults around me send contrary messages.

I needed to…

• Get good grades to prove my intelligence (and my worth).
• Do what’s right (follow the pages of an old book) and not misbehave to prove my goodness.
• Conform to socially-approved behavior to show that I was a valuable member of society.

Basically, I began to transform from a wild, starry-eyed child into a fully domesticated, trained human.

And that is where the battle starts. Don Miguel Ruiz calls this inner battle The Voice of Knowledge. Erwan Le Corre calls this the Human Zoo Predicament.

One voice is telling you to be wild, free, liberated—Do what you want! Follow your desires!—while the other voice chides and judges: That’s not practical. You must follow the template! Don’t venture off the path!

But is it possible that these competing voices could be harmonized?

THE 7 KEYS TO START BETTING ON YOURSELF

I knew I had to reconcile these disparate voices if I wanted to regain my freedom. I couldn’t stand to live in a warzone—especially if I’m carrying that battle with me everywhere I go.

If I want to live a happy, prosperous, and awesome life, I can’t do that while being my own greatest enemy. I need to be 100% on my own side and bet on myself.

Here are the seven keys I’ve found are necessary to start betting on yourself and reclaim your personal freedom:

1. Start the day on your side.

This is critical. The first thing in the day, do something to start on your side. Say, “I love you” while looking in the mirror. Write a page in your journal about all the awesome qualities you love about yourself. Do something to show yourself your loyalty to… yourself.

2. Make time for what brings you bliss.

The judging voice in our mind loves to see us do only what’s practical. You must win, and you win by being better and doing more, the judge loves to say. But getting things done isn’t what life is all about. Make time first for what brings you bliss, then start making love to your to-do list.

3. Honor the things you can’t measure.

We tend to not give ourselves credit for the stuff we do that isn’t measurable or trackable. That’s absurd. Is there no value in hugging a child, marveling at leaves in the wind, or lying in bed with your lover? Remember, just because it doesn’t fit on a spreadsheet or calendar doesn’t make it obsolete.

4. Be mindful.

Without mindfulness, you won’t even notice when you’re being your own enemy. Practicing awareness of your thoughts, beliefs, and patterns is the only path to change.

5. Be kind.

Seriously, you must be kind to yourself. If someone was insulting you or abusing you, you’d probably walk away, right? But how often do we take this abuse from ourselves? Since you can’t walk away from yourself (not that I know of, anyway), you must learn to be kind to yourself and give up trying to live up to your image of perfection.

6. Give your gift to yourself.

Whatever your gift is, you need to give it to yourself. Whether your gift is being a great champion for others, identifying the genius in people, or getting to the root of disharmony, make sure you give this blessing to yourself as well. You’ll also be able to give more deeply when you’re fully supported and energized.

7. Be diligent.

The voice of judgment is a tireless beast. It will stick around, lurking in the shadows and sneakily emerging when you least expect it. However, the better you get at ignoring this voice, the more it’ll start to get the point. Just remember, no one’s ever raised a statue of a critic. What this voice has to say can’t matter very much.

THE TRUE DEFINITION OF MADNESS (THAT WE’RE NOT TOLD)

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. I disagree.

I believe the definition of insanity is battling against yourself every day. Why not try being your own supporter and champion, and bet on yourself for a change?

I believe you have greatness within you. And I believe the key to unlocking that greatness is by becoming your own greatest ally.

Over to you: Have you ever felt like you wake up battling yourself? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

borrowed from Ian Lawton

There’s a scene in the movie Anchorman, where Ron Burgundy tries to explain to Veronica how San Diego got its name. After she rubbishes his first crazy theory he tries to tell her that the real translation of San Diego was lost centuries ago.

She says,  “Doesn’t it mean Saint Diego?” To which he says, “Agree to disagree.”

Agreeing to disagree is a powerful communication technique, and not just out of laziness or ignorance like Ron Burgundy. Its one of the ways we can stay friends with people who have very different ideas, and one of the ways we can stay sane in families full of diverse, outspoken people.

It happened to me just recently. She just wouldn’t let it go; like a dog with a bone. I thought we were done, and I had moved on. It was something we tried and it didn’t pan out. So in my mind we had agreed to disagree and go our separate ways. But then she kept writing, with more and more reasons why she was right and I was wrong.

It reminded me of the Zen story about two monks traveling through woods.

They come upon a woman standing at the bank of a river. She needs to get across, but is unable to make it alone. The elder of the two monks picks her up and carries her through the rushing water. Once they’re safely on the other side, the woman goes on her way. The younger monk is stunned. Its part of their vows that they’re not allowed to touch women , and he doesn’t know what to make of his older friend’s behavior.

Finally, after stewing over the incident for several miles, he says to his traveling companion, “How could you touch that woman back at the river the way you did? Have you no respect for our vows?” The elder monk turns to his young friend and says, “Are you still carrying that woman? I put her down at the river bank over an hour ago.”

The older monk had no need to argue the point. He had moved on. Sometimes peace of mind is more important than right and wrong. Imagine how many of our conflicts would end the minute we stopped carrying ancient history around in our hearts, put down the past and the need to be right, and moved on?

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve had your own experiences, likely on both sides of it. A relationship ends but one or both parties can’t truly let go until they feel “right” and the other person feels”wrong”. You find yourself in an argument, fighting a battle that doesn’t really matter to you, but you fight on anyway.

These sorts of fights are hard to end once two or more egos start butting heads. So how do we get beyond butting egos?

5 Ways to Agree to Disagree

Here are 5 principles for dealing with conflict, ways you can master yourself enough to know which battles are worth fighting, which are better left alone, and how to handle them.

1. Don’t attend every argument you’re invited to.

We try to draw each other into conflict.We bate each other. It makes us feel powerful. So refuse to play the game. Feel secure enough in yourself that you don’t need drama to feel alive. Once you give yourself permission NOT to enter the fray at every opportunity you allow yourself time to think about whether this is really something worth fighting for.

2. Do no harm, but take no shit.

Anger is almost ALWAYS a case of mistaken identity. Most conflict directed towards us is a projection of another person’s frustration. Be kind to others when you sense this happening, but don’t buy into it. Just wish them well and move on. Getting involved in other peoples’ anger is like the Irishman who found two people brawling in the street and asked, “Is this a private fight or can anyone get involved?” Another person’s anger is NOT your fight. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is about leaving other people to deal with their own issues and choosing not to buy into it.

3. Own Your Own Shit

Other people don’t usually cause you pain. Intentionally or not, they remind you of pain you already had; pain that may have decades of history behind it, and it’s too painful to really address, so it just turns up all over your life, a shadow lurking in every dark corner. You fight the shadows, but of course there’s nothing real there. Once you learn to recognize (and own) your own pain, reasons for conflict disappear and agreeing to disagree becomes easy.

4. Respect Others Perspectives Without Giving Up Your Own

Aristotle said it well,

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

There is a way that everyone can win, without anyone giving up their values. It’s called empathy. The beautiful thing about empathy is that you can feel another persons pain as if its your own and this empathy brings compassion, but you don’t have to save them or solve their problem. You can understand another person’s perspective without giving up your own. You can respect another person’s opinion without agreeing with them.

 5. Separate the person from the perspective

Lets face it, we all have our moments. We all say things we regret. We all change our minds. If we see each other with compassion, then we can forgive an awful lot of what happens. See people are people first, and then you have a frame of compassion to hold any perspective.

San Diego IS probably named after a Portuguese explorer, but it doesn’t really matter. The woman I mentioned earlier can continue to think I’m wrong. It’s fine. In the end, for her sake, I hope she sees a bigger picture. But I can’t control that. So I wish her well, refuse to buy into her conflict and move on with a clear mind.

Being right is fine. Its part of standing up for your convictions. But being right at the right time and for the right reasons and doing it in the right way, now that’s mastery.

Agreed? If not, its okay. We can agree to disagree!

finding my way

I have been in a mood for quite a while now as I can't seem to get a hold on my obesity issues. It isn't like I don't know or care that I am way overweight, I hate it but can't seem to keep to any sort of diet. To be honest I just about have given up, which is really bad as I just turned 70 and if you ever visit seniors homes where they have the people that are in their 80"s or 90"s they are all slim, I know I worked in a few of those homes in my work days. Any how I physically gave up and told myself that I had to find a way that works for me. Not some one else s plan. for several reasons I have tried most of them and obviously they didn't work for me. Not the plans fault. Mine, I just can't stay on a diet for the 16 months it will take me to loose the amount of weight I need to.
So I threw it out to the universe, " I need a weight loss plan that I can stick to for ever if need be"
ANSWER: TOOK ABOUT A MONTH OF MULLING OVER BUT HERE IT IS:
Eat 3 meals a day, Absolutely no food after 6 pm.
REASON WHY IT WILL WORK? BECAUSE i WAS ABLE TO SEE DURING THE DAY i AM NEVER HUNGRY BUT AFTER 6 PM, IT IS PIG OUT CITY, NON STOP EATING.
i WAS ABLE TO REMEMBER THAT i WAS ABLE TO QUIT SMOKING THE SAME WAY, I HAD THE PATCH TO GET RID OF THE CRAVINGS, I JUST HAD TO CHANGE HOW I SMOKED TO GET RID OF THE HABIT.
MY EATING IS THE SAME THING. CRAVINGS AND HABIT. THE 3 MEALS A DAY WILL TAKE CARE OF THE CRAVINGS AND THE NO EATING AFTER 6PM SHOULD GET RID OF THE HABIT. I ALSO HAVE FOUND THAT I EAT BECAUSE I AM BORED, 90% OF THE TIME.
YES IT WILL BE A BIT HARD BUT TOTALLY DOABLE.
I AM EXCITED BECAUSE THIS CAME TO ME IN A TIME AND WAY THAT I KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT ANSWER, THE MOMENT I THOUGHT OF IT MY SOUL RANG OUT  YES/////////.

My sister Deb, my daughter Lynnel, and myself, taken Jan 19/13

wisdom I asked the universe for, "its answer"

more words of wisdom from Facebook

great idea and thoughts, borrowed from face book

timley thoughts