Found on stumblleupon, wonderful

37 Seconds To Read: May Change Your View For A Lifetime

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room’s only window

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats.. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band – he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, ‘Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.’

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Borrowed from the Emotion machine site Thanks

I happen to think that healthy self-esteem is one of the most important attributes of a happy and productive person.

My reasoning is simple: those who don’t believe in themselves automatically inhibit their potential by not thinking they are capable or deserving of achieving their values and goals in life.
But those who do believe in themselves are willing to do their very best in whatever situation they find themselves in. And even when they fail, they believe they can learn from it and overcome it.
The big difference? One person feels capable, the other doesn’t. One tries their best, the other gives up after the tiniest bit of struggle.
Healthy self-esteem can make all the difference between a person who achieves their dreams and goals, and a person who never even gives themselves a fair chance. Without it, it doesn’t matter how many strengths or talents you have, because in all likelihood you’ll never have the courage to use them.
So how we think about ourselves and treat ourselves is incredibly important, and it’s not something to be taken lightly.
Here are some commonsense tips and suggestions I have for anyone who is working on building their self-esteem:

1. Reflect on your strengths and accomplishments.
Deep down, I really believe that everyone offers some kind of value to this world. We all have our own particular strengths and talents, and when we focus on these good aspects of ourselves, we are more likely to build off of them and accomplish some pretty remarkable things in the process.
A lot of people have strengths that they don’t acknowledge for whatever reason. Maybe they are bashful. Maybe they don’t want to show off.
But I say when we make our strengths shine we make the world a better place. We create something valuable, and we inspire others to purse their strengths as well. Believing in yourself doesn’t have to just be about you, it can be about how you can improve society as a whole. Feeling good about yourself doesn’t need to be perceived as a “selfish” or “narcissistic” thing.

2. Exercise and stay healthy.
An important thing to remember about mental health is that our mind and bodies are one and the same. If you treat your body like crap, then you’re probably going to psychologically feel like crap too.
Recent research has made it crystal clear that those who take care of their bodies and exercise frequently show less signs of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
In general, people who take care of their bodies have more respect for themselves. No one feels good after munching on a full bag of Doritos or a whole night of heavy drinking. Learn how to minimize your bad habits and start investing more time eating healthier and trying to stay fit.
Start simple by cutting out all soda or going for morning walks every other day. Once you start building healthy habits they will begin to come second-nature. I guarantee you will start feeling better about yourself almost right away.

3. Accept things you can’t change.
Everyone has some things about their life that aren’t perfect. Some of those things we have control over, but a lot of those things we don’t have control over (like certain physical attributes, genetic limitations, and other environmental factors).
Despite these shortcomings, we have to learn to accept them – without feeling bitter, assigning blame, or fostering negativity toward ourselves.
Accept the fact that everyone is dealt a different hand in this game of life, and some people have to face more obstacles than others.
It wasn’t Viktor Frankl’s fault that he was a Jew during the Holocaust and thus got locked up in a concentration camp for most of his life. However, he learned to find satisfaction in his life despite these external circumstances – by accepting them and instead focusing on the aspects of life he did have control over.

4. Learn how to reframe.
Reframing is learning how to change your perspective about a certain situation or experience.
For example, successful people (in any domain of life) often view “failures” as learning experiences – and by looking at their failures from this perspective they become more motivated to improve themselves.
On the other hand, people who don’t have this perspective often view “failures” as evidence of their incompetence. Instead of being educated and motivated by them, they think of them as proof that they should quit.
If you sign up for my newsletter then you’ll get a free short guide on “How to Reframe,” which shares several types of reframes we can apply to different areas of our life.

5. Have a passion.
A passion is any activity that we find intrinsically satisfying. Often when we talk about it, people notice a fire in our souls. And when we actually engage in the activity, we get lost in a state of flow – hours go by, but we don’t notice because we are so indulged in what we are doing.
Everyone needs a passion. Everyone needs that something that resonates deeply and makes them tick.
Maybe your passion is music, or baseball, or computer programming, or photography, or parenting? Maybe it is all of the above.
Most people don’t just have one single passion, but multiple ones. The important thing is that we have something to get excited about. Because without a passion our lives can quickly become very dull.

6. Be social.
No matter how introverted or extroverted you may be, I believe everyone needs to have some kind of social life. Even if your social circle is only 2-3 close friends, it’s important that you have people who support you and are on your side.
For many reasons, humans have evolved to be social creatures. By working together, we have constructed many institutions (marriage, technology, science, government) that have enhanced our ability to survive and adapt to our environment.
Individuals that fail to fulfill their duties as a social being often feel depressed and isolated. They go through life with no sense of “belonging” (like the kind Maslow defines in his “Hierarchy of Needs”) and it becomes difficult to build positive and rewarding relationships that improve our lives.
Although we may like to believe that self-esteem is something that is solely about us – the truth is that our self-esteem is highly dependent on our ability to connect with others in a meaningful way.
If you suffer from social anxiety and have a hard time making new friends, I highly recommend Sean Cooper’s The Shyness and Social Anxiety System. It’s a self-help workbook that uses scientifically proven techniques in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help individuals reduce their stress and anxiety around others.

7. Adopt a confident posture.
A lot of research in psychology demonstrates that you become what you pretend to be. In other words, by adopting a confident posture and using body language as if we have high self-esteem, very often those habits begin spilling over into our attitude and self-perception.
A straight back, open posture, and warm smile are some of the key habits that studies have shown increase our well-being and self-esteem. And by mimicking these behaviors (even if at first it seems a bit fake), we can begin to adopt a more positive perception of ourselves.

8. Poke fun at yourself.
I’ve noticed that those with the highest self-esteem are also the first people to poke fun at themselves
This is probably because individuals with true self-esteem don’t feel the need to take themselves too seriously. They have a healthy and modest ego, so they see little need to boast, brag, or try to impress everyone.
Instead, they acknowledge their imperfections with a sense of humility and humor.
When they make a mistake, they give a sincere apology. And when something embarrassing happens to them, they see it as an opportunity to share a funny story in exchange for a few laughs.
When you become comfortable in your own skin, you are often much more willing to take wise cracks about yourself around other people. The irony is that when you do this people end up actually liking you more (even though you aren’t deliberately trying to “win” anyone over or make yourself out to be anyone who you aren’t).

9. Respect everyone as equals.
Another trend I find is that those who have deep-down insecurities about themselves often disrespect and mistreat others.
It’s possible that they find themselves to be insecure with who they are, so they project that insecurity onto others in order to make themselves feel better.
Part of the problem comes from the “social comparison trap.” Many people unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) compare themselves to other people and judge whose situation is “better” or “worse.” This kind of judgmental thinking can often hurt ourselves, because it gives the appearance that life is a constant conflict between “us” and “them.” It can also lead us to believe that the “grass is always greener on the other side,” and we can never find contentment with our own lot in life.
Instead, I recommend (as corny as it may sound) that we try to take a more egalitarian approach to how we view others. I sincerely believe that there is good in everyone and everyone has their own unique place in this world (hey, I said it wasn’t going to get corny), therefore, I have a strong belief that everyone is deserving of some respect (even those who may have been misguided at some point in their life).
As Plato wisely said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
And I find that when you show compassion toward others, it becomes that much easier to show compassion toward yourself as all. We are all just humans – imperfect, but ultimately just trying to find happiness.

10. Take responsibility.
A person who takes responsibility for their actions will always be better off than someone who doesn’t take responsibility.
Responsibility is the acceptance of our personal power.
The idea is that we do have some control over our lives, but only if we become more conscious of the actions we take on a daily, moment-by-moment, basis.
The problem is most people go through life similar to a puppet on strings – they take little responsibility for their life situation – and instead consider themselves to be merely avictim of outside circumstance.
This process of “victimization” is the opposite of taking responsibility. Victimization is when we believe that everything negative in our life is due to some external force that we have no control over.
But taking control of the negativity in our lives requires that we first take SOME responsibility and accept that we play a causal role in how our lives end up.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we have complete 100% power over our reality (that would be taking it to an extreme). Clearly, as I mentioned in point 3 – “Accept the things you can’t change,” there are always some limitations to how much we can improve ourselves.
The really important thing is that we learn to distinguish what aspects of our lives are (and aren’t) in our control, then we assign responsibility to ourselves when it’s appropriate. Only then can we really take conscious control over our lives and build healthy self-esteem.

Borrowed from T2T lying to myself

We lie to ourselves consistently whether we’re aware of it or not. We justify our current circumstances and situations even if they are shit. We defend our opinions even if we never researched the facts to begin with. We tell people we are fine when they ask but deep down we may be miserable. We lie to fit in, we lie to avoid people…we are very good at it too. You may even be reading this and telling yourself that you don’t lie…another lie. Seriously!...monitor what you think and what you say…be aware. ~ T2T


Robin's note: when I saw the title, I thought I don't, as the man said you are lying to your self, and I am.
And the odd thing is This is bad news for me , perhaps it also explains why I am angry with myself a lot of the time, need to do some serious thinking on this one

Thank you T2T

So glad you are back T2T
Imitation has never caused anyone to become great. Even if you’re imitating someone you admire and respect, you’re never going to be as good at being someone else as you can be at being yourself. You’re not responsible for becoming anybody but the person you want to be, and that’s a decision you, and only you, can make.

You’re also not responsible for other people's opinions or perceptions of you, whether those opinions and perceptions are good or bad. The only thing you're responsible for is being true to yourself and who you know yourself to be.

No matter who you become, for better or worse, somebody somewhere is always going to have a negative opinion about it. That’s not your problem, it's their problem, and it’s their responsibility…so leave it at that.

what a privilege to be here

I just watched two atheists discussing  life and death, they of course deny that there is a creator or any type of God. some of the things they talked about was the fact that the odds of us being here are astronomical and that we should be grateful for the privilege. My thinking is that there is a creator, that there is a design and that there is a purpose for being here. If the odds are as infinite as they claim, then what are the odds that they are not only born but were to meet each other. Sorry fellows I just do not get that idea. Do I believe in God as portrayed in the bible, only as far as "God created heaven and earth" all the rest is guess work at the best.
There is no way that there wasn't a designer of the universe. Nothing can be done with out thought, and each and every moment was put in place. chaos, no I don't believe so.
I do not believe that there is a God spying on our every thought and idea, I do believe that we are responsible for out actions, and to do harm is evil. And yes I do believe that it is a privilege to be here and that I am overwhelmed with the wonderful place I am in right now

eye opener, bell ringinhg

I just started to write down some of the traits I do not like about myself.,I did a bit on negativity, as well as lazy, and then I wrote I wanted to be less selfish , and continued to explain how I am stingy with myself, I continually look for what is cheap and might work. I need to value myself as I would others and give myself the very best I am able.
Wow,I don't know where that came from I started out thinking about how stingy I am with my time and efforts towards others, and yes I do need to look at that but I never considered it as being stingy towards myself. BUT I am I will cut corners, and try to get the very cheapest stuff for me. and that is for food clothing, furniture, everything.. Now there are times that I do shop at thrift stores, and that is good but When it comes to my health I shouldn't go the cheap road, and I have and now pay a much higher price in the long run. I think I have to look at my actions and make sure I am not just using or getting something that might do.As well this idea needs a lot more thought and work.
It is a good day

Lesson for the day, borrowed from "the emotion machine

75 Affirmations for Personal Development

- Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better. - Every failure is a learning experience. - Live in the present moment. - I create value in other peoples’ lives. - I am always changing. - I am worthy of positive relationships in my life. - I wish the best for everyone. - I learn something new everyday. - I am genuinely interested in other people. - I have many strengths. - I don’t worry about the things I can’t control. - Listening to my emotions can help guide me to make better decisions. - My anxiety is motivation to change or improve. - I can overcome obstacles in my life. - I am a positive role model to others. - I will try something different today. - Stepping outside of my comfort zone is necessary for growth. - People are generally good. - I forgive anyone who has hurt me in the past. - I have a rich and supportive social circle. - What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. - My past is one big learning experience. - I must be the change I wish to see in the world. - I will try to be more understanding of others. - Depression is just a stepping stone. - This too shall pass. - I can find happiness in every moment. - I’m a proactive problem-solver. - When I open my mind and senses, I’m much more creative. - I can create my own positive energy. - When people get to know me, they really like me. - Just do it. - I can see the bigger picture. - I see money as a useful tool for helping myself and others. - I take small steps everyday to be more healthy. - I’m dedicated to my passions in life. - I have the resources to take care of my family. - My negative emotions can serve a positive function. - I determine the meaning of my life. - Every decision I make helps shape my destiny. - No risk, no reward. - I remain focused on what matters. - I participate in life, I don’t wait for it to happen. - I will be more conscious when acting and making decisions. - I can think rationally and intelligently. - I’m dedicated to self improvement. - I treat others with kindness and respect. - If I want something I’ve never had, I must do something I’ve never done. - I know when to relax and not take life so seriously. - Nature doesn’t hurry, yet all is accomplished. - I can accept criticism without taking it personally. - I love and accept my body. - When I love myself, I allow others to love me too. - Most of the limitations in my life are fictional. - I narrate the story of my life. - I exude purpose and joy. - All is well, right here, right now. - Today, I open my mind to the endless opportunities surrounding me. - I am grateful for the people in my life. - I am my own best friend. - I can find balance in my life. - I am mindful of my health and well-being. - I exercise freedom in all aspects of my life. - I know when to trust my intuition. - I can gain knowledge in anything if I’m willing to learn. - I strive to achieve my goals and values in life. - I can only give happiness to others once I have found happiness in myself. - I’m optimistic about the future. - I have all the material luxury I need. - I’m thankful for everything in my life. - I’m interconnected with everything in the universe. - I’m productive in achieving what I want in life. - Small changes on a daily basis lead to big changes over time. - Most of the time there is nothing to fear. - When life gets tough, I can persist.

Letter to Jim

I suppose I should apologize for my anger at you today.

Jim, when I met you, you became my purpose for living, you made me incredibly happy, I felt alive for the first time in years. You did this and so much more. I could have happily devoted the rest of my life to you.

I believe in you and us. The first thing when I woke up to the last thing before I slept was all for you. You were in every sense of the word “my world”

After a while I saw and felt you drifting away, and I worked all the harder to bring you back. Nothing worked, so I gave up. And all to soon, all I could see was how apart we were, and that I was still in a fashion looking after you, but it was done with resentment and anger. You see Jim you left me a long time ago, I was just to stupid to see it. I couldn't admit that one more time I had been used. So I had to send you away, because the more I saw the angrier I became.

Then came the day you admitted that there was no feelings at all for me, that you were here because it was a good place to live and cheap.

That Jan had taken your heart and stomped on it. Well good on for you because you have done exactly that to me. I will go on living, and I will learn to trust again, and I will learn to believe in myself. Because I do not want to be like you and become a heartless old woman who let some one destroy her.

No I will survive and I will be happy again and I will NOT ever be like you. Vengeance is not mine, because vengeance will come back and eat you up until you are ashes.

So now the only thing I feel for you is pity, and sorrow. I truly believe that if we do not learn the lesson we are bound to make the same mistakes over and over again.

I Know what I did wrong, and how not to repeat it, but I believe that you have a great many more lessons to learn, probably not in this life time, but you will some time

life with purpose

While I was with Jim he was my main purpose in life, and now that he is gone it like I am floundering, It was so funny I couldn't wait for the day when he was gone, and now I am aimless and lost. It isn't that I want him back it is just that I devoted so much of my self to his happiness and comfort, and received nothing back, and rather than see this as a sign I just worked harder to please him, the more I put in, the less I got back. So it is not him I miss but rather having a purpose in life.
I think perhaps that I shall dedicate more time to me, get me back on track, to what I wanted done for me. Jim failed to give me what I wanted/needed, so what is wrong in my doing it for myself, I did it before, I can do it again.
At least it is a project I know something about and what needs to be done.