Mind will not stop yakking

Today, I am feeling sad, because I am thinking about Jim, and how much I miss him in some ways.I am not sure how to get him out of my mind, probably because some days I don't want him out. I know when I was with him I wanted him to leave, and he did, and for the most part I am ok, there are days I remember how wonderful it felt to be in his arms and in his bed. I have met several new guys, but they all seem to want me to be something else, not me, and they do not even know me, most haven't even met me, and yet they are saying I want this and I don't want that, like I am a made to order pizza. made for their pleasure and at their leisure .Some how I don't even want to meet these guys, and it makes me angry that now I have real trust issues. and that I don't know how to get rid of.

live and learn

For countless years i have had mind talk, most of which wasn't pleasant, 90%was probably criticism, bashing and shaming myself for not being up to my expectations.
I have tried to overcome this sort of torture and be kinder to my self,
A few moments ago I found myself again bashing, and thought wait a moment, most of the things I did wrong were be cause of lack of knowledge, not stupidity on myself,
I have had the time and effort to really look at what I have spent years doing and had I know how to solve and handle my problems I would have been great, or at least happier.
I promice not to bash myself becuse I didn't know this earler, live and learn