What am I avoiding

I read a note today and part of it asked me to face my fears, as well ask my self what am I avoiding
My biggest fear is I will never find any one to love me. I feel as if I have been starving for love all my life.But the avoiding was an even bigger surprise, Accepting my self as I am, Accepting all my flaws, I am not perfect, but WHO is .
In writing that single statement opened a whole new way for me to see, not only myself but others. because I am much more harsh with myself than I am with others. I for the most part accept anyone pretty much they way they are , Yes I may not care for some of the things they do, but that is them, and if I want to continue being friends then I have to accept them.
As for my self, not so much, I am almost always angry with something I am doing or thinking . The self talk is mostly rage, about how could I be so stupid, What is wrong with you?, are you ever going to learn, I give up. I sound like a very frustrated parent talking to a child , and the child has totally tuned out the parent. I have raged so long at my self, I don't even want to listen any more so I find other ways to amuse my self and other ways to comfort myself, because I feel so bad for not being what I want.
I believe I was told that I should treat every one like they were my best friend, and I do, now I have to start doing that for myself. For who knows me better than me, and while I may not live up to all my own expectations, perhaps I will if I get encouragement rather than rage, and if I get more understanding I might be able to work better, with less stress.
I remember when I was working I was always afraid I wasn't doing the job perfectly, and that at any moment I might be fired,
Wow do I have some work in front of me, and it is going to take time and patience,
I must think of seeing a perfect tree going down a long road, it is beautiful, green I love it, as I get closer it looks a bit worn and tattered, but still lovely, standing under that tree, it is scared, broken missing a lot of leaves, but still so beautiful as it is now protecting me, from the sun or rain . This is how I must see myself each and every day.. I am not perfect, but I have qualities that have made me stronger and better, not weaker and smaller. I am me and all that I am is the result of being here and living each and every day, I believe that from here on those days will be a bit softer and a bit more mellow, because I am going to love me with all the scars and broken bits, that is called character