nice film

I just watched a video by Marci Shimoff, and it it she told us how to open our hearts to love,at first it seemed to simplistic, but on further reflection it is actually quite difficult, as well as needing  you to practice some thing every day until it becomes part of your being. I believe it is good advise and will try to do as she directed because I really need to feel love,
Yesterday I was feeling great, so much that I couldn't remember exactly when I felt that way last time.I was and am happy with myself, I have overcome quite a few obstacles, and am very proud of that fact
I have been wallowing in self disgust for quite some time. I am positive it was very evident with my bad moods and anger. I know what caused it. And I have set about rectifying it.
I had given away my power for lack of better words. When I met Jim he made me feel beautiful, desirable, wanted, and of course loved.
I am not sure if it just time passing or if he has lost interest in me , or what his reason for not showing any interest in me at all. But it has happened. I have tried to discuss this with him but he doesn't understand what I am talking about, and will not discuss it, period.
So this left me felling shut out and only here to cook, clean and care give, because he pays $700 per month to help with the bills.There is no love, no affection, nothing, and of course I am blaming myself because "IT" must be my fault.
But in the past few days I have come to realize that I counted on Jim to provide me with something I willingly gave up, and that was a huge  mistake. I looked to Jim for my validation that I am a woman. The beautiful loving woman that I know that I am, and it is not there.
Well it is now and it has nothing to do with Jim, because this is something only I can give myself.
I must be careful that when I do not see it in his reactions that it is not my problem but his. and that only he can either accept me the way I am or not.
Marci also quoted a Chinese poem that I rather like

When there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person,
When there is beauty in the person , there will be harmony in the house.
When there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation,
When there is order in the nation, there will be Peace.
I believe I have gotten back my self esteem and shall not look to others for validation, I know who I am and do not need to prove it to any one. Nuff said