I have been having anxiety attacks all day , I keep going over and over what Jim told me. I can not believe that I was able to deny what I was seeing for so very long. His distancing himself, the lack of interest in me sexually, the indifference I can see it all so clearly in my mind, but wouldn't allow myself to believe that what I was seeing was true.
Today I am questioning every thing I have done and have to do, because of the poor judgement I made. I honestly believed that Jim loved me and all the rest, and now I find out it isn't nor wasn't true.
It was only because I was so frustrated with his callow feelings towards me that I asked him to leave.
Why now he choose to lay the truth on me I do know, because I asked him, and for once in our history together he gave me the truth, untouched and unvarnished. And it has destroyed my self esteem, my pride and any desire I ever had to finding any new friends.
I cannot even begin to think of tomorrow, All I do know is I want him gone ASAP.
How does one put on a happy face and think "it will be alright"?
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