one more time I find myself obsessing about Jim, Now countless time I have gone back and read my journal entries, and I am reminded about how he, never even cared for me and only stayed with me because it was a cheap place to live and I looked after him. This still hurts like blazes, in fact I am wondering if i am obsessing over him because I want to hurt him like he hurt me.I honestly do not want him back in my life, he is way to much of a drain on my energy and bank account. But I want to keep in touch with him and know what is going on in his life, so like what is my problem.
Possibly it is I want a relationship with a man that will love me as much as I loved Jim. I know I am more than capable of having a very loving passionate life style. and I admit it I miss it terribly, it may have been all pretend with Jim but I was head over heels in love with him. And I want that kind of feeling again, I know I can feel it I just can't see it happening with some one other than Jim, and yet IT will never happen again with him, I will not let that happen.
See how crazy and mixed up I get. I have been spending hours on the computer looking for sites with inspirational sayings and thoughts to get me through these awful days of longing. I found out about the "Law of Attraction" and I believe that it truly does work, but in order for it to work you have to be very clear and concise as to what you want to happen. and I get lost between the feelings and the vision. I keep putting Jim in as the lover because that is what worked for me before and yet my mind is saying "are you out of your #$%&^^**&^@ mind you do not ever want to go back and be with that man.
I feel as if I am lost and have no idea where I am at
., and am running around in circles chasing my own tail. What to do?
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