borrowed from Tiny Buddha -5 ways to feel more compassion and love for your self and others

 I have borrowed more wisdom from tiny Buddha as it is right for me at this time

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Erin Lanahan

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of vulnerability that I always wished I could feel without being afraid.

I have always wished I was one of those people who could show my authentic self to the world, and still be able to look you in the eye, after I let you see me, without quivering in shame or regret.

Not too long ago, I shared my feelings with someone who I deeply loved. This was one of the hardest, scariest things I’ve ever done, but it gave me the freedom to be vulnerable and to finally have a heart that’s ready to let love in.

Loving this person has taught me so much about love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Although he did not want the same things I want, just having him in my life has taught me more about how to feel unconditional love and genuine compassion for myself.

As a result, I am experiencing a deep level of unconditional love and compassion for others.

I use to walk around taking things very personally.

If I walked by a stranger who gave me a dirty look, or if a bank teller was rude, or if the man I loved didn’t want to love me back in the way I wanted him to, I thought it meant there was something wrong with me. However, what I’m realizing is that none of it has anything to do with me.

I have a brand new sense of awareness now.

When I begin to experience negative self-talk inside of me, I seem to be shifting almost immediately to a place of self-love, forgiveness, acceptance, and compassion for myself. This inner awakening has begun to translate into a new perception of my outside world.

Instead of my usual thoughts and reactions that occur when confronted with less than ideal responses from the external world, I am able to see me in you and you in me.

Right away I begin to feel compassion, because I know you hurt, just like me, and you feel joy, just like me. You worry and feel scared sometimes, just like me. You have bad days, just like me, and you have amazing days, just like me. You are seeking, just like me. You want to believe in love, just like me.

I look at people passing me by in the store, on the streets, or in traffic, and have a deep sense of knowing that they too feel separate sometimes, and they too have times when they fear they will never be enough—just like me.

We all feel the same things.

This realization has allowed me to continue loving even when it isn’t returned to me in the exact way I initially wanted it. True love, after all, is to love someone and expect nothing in return.

I practice this daily by being honest about what’s in my heart, without holding on too tightly to the outcome.

For me, practicing love is the same as practicing the art of letting go, and giving others the freedom to just be—accepting them exactly the way they are. It’s something we can do with friends, family, love interests, and strangers alike.

I can now look this special man in the eyes and smile because I know he is just like me. I know that he can see me now, because I finally revealed myself to him, and I feel good about myself for doing that.

I can accept him and just experience him for who he is and where he is on his path because I know now that we are the same. I know that what will happen, will happen, and what will not, will not.

In the meantime, I continue to make more room inside of my heart to give and receive love.

The simple act of making a shift within has completely transformed the type of relationships I’m attracting. When you live from a place of self love, the world mirrors love and compassion back to you.

When you give yourself unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance, you’re then able to give that to others.

Here are 5 tips to feel more love and compassion for yourself and therefore reflect that back to the world:

1. If you don’t feel real love for yourself yet, act as if.

Act lovingly towards yourself and do things that nurture you, make you stronger, and make you proud of who you are and how you live your life. Exercise, meditation, helping others freely, and eating a healthy diet work really well for me. Practice progress, not perfection.

2. When you feel hurt by someone else, remind yourself that they are just like you.

They hurt, feel fear, have insecurities, and feel the need to defend and protect themselves. They are no different than you and me.

At times, we all react to the programming in our minds. As you commit to feeling unconditional love and compassion for self and others, you will begin to transform the programming in your brain. All you need is awareness. Just be aware.

3. Remember, others are on their path just like you are on yours.

You are both just doing the best you can.

4. Be of service in the world.

Nothing will help you find compassion within yourself and for others like coming  face to face with people who have much less materially and way bigger problems than you.

5. Turn within and ask your higher knowing to show you where you lack integrity, love, trust, compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Then ask yourself to heal.

Be patient with the process. Sometimes small shifts happen over time. Allowing your own process to unfold is an act of love in and of itsel

Questions I need to answer

I am finding that I look for approval and acknowledgement from my partner, and when they are not forthcoming I feel less than. I become angry with myself, because I must not be right or look good enough or what ever.
I hate this, For almost 30 years I lived on my own and I looked to no one for my identity  and I was happy.
No I feel as if I am a captive and am here mainly to serve him. And I really hate this

Information I badly need to keep from Little Budda

“Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.” ~Unknown

In our romantic relationships, we can grow comfortable.

In the first six months to a year, it’s all excitement and an adrenaline rush at the mere fantasy of skin touching, but after two years you really do have to work to keep the romance.

Life can get a little routine and formulaic. You do certain things on certain nights of the week together or apart. The love is still there, but the accelerated heart rate, weak-at-knees sensation, and feeling that your heart might explode with passion have noticeably decreased.

I recently detected this happening in my own relationship, but I’ve decided to treat it as a milestone—a positive marker for the point at which we genuinely started to work to make our relationship work.

The moment our relationship developed from a clueless hormone-loaded teenager to a fully grown, responsible adult.

Scientifically speaking, it is supposed to be physically impossible to maintain that first intensity of feeling that is experienced at the beginning of the relationship, and I do agree that it’s not sustainable permanently.

If we spent our whole lives in that state we would probably find we got very little else done, and almost certainly couldn’t survive for the period of a lifetime before we died from an adrenaline overdose.

However, there is a difference between a relationship maturing with two individuals growing comfortable with each other; and no longer making the effort to do things that make your partner’s fingers tingle and heart swell.

Here are 3 simple ways to keep that flash of young love in your relationship:

1. Don’t stop listening.

There is a point at the start of a relationship where you hang on every word they say. You just can’t get enough. You’re desperate to understand their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on even the most mundane things.

Each bit of extra information unravels more of this new person that you are treating like a gift to yourself—giddy with the prospect of more to love and lust after.

I’m not suggesting that you artificially re-enact this experience if you don’t feel like it all the time, but create time for listening.

Make your partner aware of the times that you need to be by yourself or in your own head so that they know when it’s a good time to have that long discussion and get your opinion. Create time to listen to them properly so that you can be attentive and present.

If you need 30 minutes after work to yourself, that’s fine. Maybe your listening time is over dinner, or while you’re doing the dishes, or before you go to bed.

Whatever it is, don’t stop listening. Listening is one of the ways that we show others that we value them; that they are attractive and interesting to us. If we don’t do this, it might send conflicting messages.

2. A little surprise goes a long way.

One of the first things to go in long term relationships is the element of surprise. You get into a routine and you no longer arbitrarily decide to take her away for a weekend, or buy him a gift just because you felt like it.

Perhaps you do still buy ‘gifts’ but it’s an extra pair of socks when you were at the supermarket because you noticed all his socks have holes, rather than the cute or hilarious trinkets you used to buy at the start of your relationship.

The bouquets of flowers and turning up at lunch breaks with a picnic basket are gone, and you are less willing to make a fool of yourself to make the other person laugh or smile.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a few minutes once a month and ask yourself what would be a lovely surprise for them. It doesn’t have to be anything huge—just something considerate that would be appreciated.

Although it sounds like an oxymoron, planning more surprises can initiate those weak-at-the-knees passionate feelings that you felt in the earlier stage of your relationship.

Plan the surprises that were more spontaneous before and you may re-experience that love rush. You might even develop your ability to be spontaneously romantic again.

3. Do the things that don’t matter to you but matter to them.

At the beginning of a relationship it can seem easy enough to do the dishes straight away after a meal if it buys you brownie points and more affection—but harder when you’re comfortable in the relationship, don’t really feel like it, and can’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Maybe the phobia or habit that was cute and quirky a year ago now seems annoying and irritating when you always have to get rid of the spider/take the trash out. Perhaps you don’t understand why your partner needs some downtime by themselves and wish they were more like you in wanting to share thoughts and feelings as soon as they get home.

If it’s something that doesn’t make sense to you but is important to them and would only take a little bit of time, do it. In a mature relationship, passion can be shown by genuinely understanding and responding to your partner’s ‘domestic’ needs.

Not responding to these can send the message that you aren’t interested in what’s important to them, and it indirectly suggests you aren’t interested in them.

I have found these points really helpful in my relationship, so I hope they are to you. Having brought up the subject and talked about it with my partner, we are both now trying to surprise each other, listen more, and find ways to be romantic and affection towards each other.

There are many more ways you can re-light the spark in your relationship. I’m still finding more. Look at it as a lifelong adventure!

The most important thing is to give it time in your own head and to prioritize your relationship so that you keep working on it regularly, like you would with any priority in your work life. Then hopefully you can be grow old together but still maintain that flicker of passion in your hearts.

Wisdom for the "think "Books, Dr Robiert Anthoney

I first came across Dr, Robert Anthony  4 little book in 1995. They are wonderful they are full of thoughts for the reader to think about. I have owned these tiny gems for a long time and find myself stuck in a rut I just open them up and start reading and sooner or later I will come across what I needed to learn,
There are no answers in these book just ideas and inspiration because I believe that we have the answer in us or we know where to go to get answers it is just some time we get stuck and are running around in circles to no avail.
My using the think books just gives me a new way to look at an on going problem. And by looking at in in a new way I am able to see what I need to do.
I know there hundreds of self help books out there and I have read quite a few of them and found most of them to be helpful, but they give you answers and I think in order to find answers about my self I should consult the expert on me and that is of course me.
there are also a lot of times I use the excuse that I don't know but that is just being lazy or in denial.
and I do do that  quite a bit when I don't want to take action that I know will possibly hurt others

Family

It is funny when I got a "family" picture from my sister, it brought back a flood om memories.Not many of them good. And I think that should be addressed, because I have been carrying around a boat load of stuff in my head, and I am not even sure if it is all true or is it just stuff I perceived and felt bad about or even good about. then filed away for future reference, and now when I do recall it all the negative and awful feelings come rolling back.
I am not sure how our minds work but if there were some way to "file away" thoughts but in a manner that that is less self destructive and less harmful , I for one would love to know about it.
I often hear of people who carry around all this anger, resentment, fear and loathing for so long that they break under the strain of just hauling it about.
I do remember thinking about my life and felt I was sitting on the edge of a garbage pit, and there were thousands of bags of  garbage, and I just couldn't seem to let them go, I would have to open a few bags just to see what was inside, and then for the next several months I was angry, and frustrated because I kept thinking a bout all that stuff.
There did come a day that I some how found the courage to just get up and walk away from that pit. I now no longer have any desire to go back and open any of those memories.
Am I ignoring them, no I just choose not to let them rule my life. And I keep telling myself that no one goes to a garbage dump to look for something good,
When we want the best for our selves we should seek it in a bright , well lit space where there are no shadows and nothing to fear, sort of sounds difficult, it is, but well worth the exploration of good stuff rather than make a meal of all the garbage we might still be wishing to chew on.

What to do?

Right now my mind is in a turmoil because I know what I need to do and I know what I want to do, but today the question is HOW? I am in a relationship, that has gone from living together  to we live together. If I were to describe it today I would call us room mates on a bad day. When we first met I couldn't believe my good luck, here was some one who listened to every word I spoke and then bent over backwards to make my wants  to come true.
today If I am listened to it is always a day late and dollar short, None of the romantic , loving , kind person remains, just some one who. Is there for every meal, and doesn't, even consider who took care to have it there. Or any of the other hundred of things I take care of. It is always just taken for granted that this is how it should be. The question begs to be asked why am I here? and that is the problem, I am not the sort of person who gives up easily, and blows people off for no good reason.Talk doesn't seem to help, nor does me taking all the responsibilities for the relationship, all that does is make room for bigger and better ideas on how to use the system.
We are seeing a Councillor on Wednesday , and maybe I can bring this up then.
Right now I am so fed up with the whole works, I just want to dump every thing.

meeting my Mother

My parents separated when I was 3, My brother and myself stayed with my dad. My first contact again with my mother was when I was about 27. We looked similar and did a few things the same like we both smoked the same brand of cigarette. but I never though of her as my mother. I did see her a few more time over the next 10 or so years but most were just short visits when she was in town.
the one thing I didn't know was we shared the same illness sever depression. I lived it for most of my adult years, and could never find out why I was depressed. It was only after I got rid of it was when I understood where it came from. I forced my self to live in circumstances that were so against any thing I believed in. I was married for 27 years to a man I knew from week 3 after we were married was a huge mistake. My step mother, told me just to get over it and work it out. So I remained silent for all those years and endured a marriage from hell, Every day I felt that I was living a lie, that I was a third party or silent partner to slimy low life. I felt ugly, helpless, and most of all hopeless.I had no idea how to make it better or even try to get out. I was told daily that I was stupid, a lousy mother, housewife, not worth the dirt under a rug. I was a big fat dumb, dumb idiot. And because I believed this after all he was my husband and was never going to let me go.
But I did go, and climbed out of that pit, it took me more than 20 years to get my life back, and the depression is gone because I am finally living the truth. I am living life the way I believe it should be .not some one's idea of the perfect life.
My biggest lesson was if you live the way you want then you can do any thing that needs to be done.
I regret that my mother never did get over her depression, and died way to soon.

Living with dementia

About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with dementia, to say the least I was devastated. I was put on Alzheimer's medication and even though I do not have Alzheimer disease the medication works very well for me.With out the medication I feel like I am in one of those deep sea diving suits try to function on dry land, every step, thought, movement is a struggle. With the medication, I am for the most part doing fine, I still have short term memory problem, that can only be described this way. When you wake up in the morning and have had a dream, it is very clear, you remember who, what ,when and where, a lot of details, color sound, feelings. By lunch if you describe your dream, you might remember who , what and possibly where, but quite a few of the details will be gone, as the day goes on it becomes more and more difficult to put it all together, until it gets to the point that you remember you think you had a dream..
That is how my thought process works for me, if I only meet or see,or hear something once, the chances of me remembering it are not good. I have to do something repeatability, for quite a few times before it will partially stick in my memory. If it becomes a daily  thing that I must do then I will most likely remember it .
I used to try to hide what I was going through , but do not any more because by hiding it I looked lost and confused most of the time. Yes I am still easily overwhelmed  a lot, and I have to bow or back out and get my all together together.
So that is how I deal with my dementia, there are bonuses, like I can read the same book several times and still think it is new, and enjoy it every time. And there times I do not remember some one and I can see the hurt in their eyes. But I still feel blessed because I have lost most of my rage and anger, and have found peace and harmony in my life.

borrowed from Taught 2 think

throughout the web. I make it my business to flood my mind with positive material every day. Positive thinking has changed my life in so many ways and I try to live by 6 basic laws that I’m going to share with you now.

I’m not going to try to convince you of the validity of these laws as the information is widely available for you to delve deeper if you need to, however, it should become obvious of the importance these laws can have if used persistently and consciously.

I first heard of these 6 laws from a very successful, and one of the best personal development coaches. The book was called “The Mind Power Home Study Program” and the author is John Kehoe.

Everything in this Universe is governed by Laws. The planets that orbit the sun follow the same patterns because they are governed by laws. The law of gravity says that if I throw an object up, it will come back down. The speed of sound travels at 750 miles an hour, and so on……

Everything that happens to us is also governed by laws and the beauty of this is, we can control how these laws affect our reality just by being aware of them.

Anyway, let’s get straight to it, I don’t want to keep you any longer than necessary.

1… Thoughts are real forces.

Don’t make the mistake of dismissing this law because of your intellectual understanding of what you think it means. Thoughts are NOT meaningless little things that pass in and out of our minds. This law must be taken to a deeper level and needs to be contemplated, analyzed and probed to gain a level of understanding that takes you below the surface level of what you would initially assume it to mean.

Every single thought you have is an energy which has a direct effect on the reality you perceive. Weak and scattered thoughts are real forces, strong and concentrated thoughts are also real forces. Our reality is created by the force and power of the thoughts we entertain, whether those thoughts are automatic or consciously and purposely created.

Sit down for five minutes every single day this week and contemplate how your life is created by your thoughts and ask yourself if you have been consciously using this law to enhance the reality you have undoubtedly created.

2… The mind is a sending and receiving station of thought.

Your mind is continually sending out and receiving energy vibrations in the form of thoughts, similar to a radio broadcast. As we have established in the last law, thoughts are real forces and whatever thought vibrations you consistently send out into your environment will have an effect.

You may have had thoughts or ideas pop into your mind out of nowhere and wondered where the hell they came from, well now you know. We pick up thoughts and ideas from other people who’s thoughts vibrate on the same frequency as our own. Think negative and you attract negative. Think positive and the same applies.

One day I was sitting in silence and a thought popped into my mind about an idea for an invention. The weird part is that it was a complicated contraption which had a lot of detail involved in the concept, but in just one second I had the complete picture in my mind about what it looked like and how exactly it worked. You may think that it was just my subconscious piecing together information I had stored over the years but that was not possible because It wasn’t something I had ever remotely even came close to thinking about. And yet, there it was fully completed in my mind. I am in the process at this moment of getting an investor to fund the project and it wasn’t even my idea.

3… The Law of Attraction.

Now this law is all over the place these days so I will not expand much further on the concept.

The law of attraction states that thoughts that are emotionalized become magnetized and attract similar and like thoughts. Simply put, if you are emotionally charged whether it be negative or positive then you will attract more of the same thoughts related to that emotion.

You know one of those days where everything goes wrong. It’s like a spiralling effect where one thought leads to another and then another and soon enough you see the bad in everything. .

What about when you are having a great day and everything seems to be going right and nothing can bring you down. The truth is that whatever emotions are attached to your thoughts, they will attract more of the same.

Next time you feel that your day is just plain shitty, try to shift your focus onto something more positive long enough to create a change in your pattern of thought. You will find it difficult at the start but gradually your mood will shift and you will start to attract more of the same.

4… The Law of Control.

There’s no doubt that we are forever experiencing thoughts. It’s a constant in our lives. The importance of this law cannot be underestimated as we have the power to either entertain these thoughts or dismiss them. Every time we doubt ourselves, talk negatively to ourselves, make assumptions about others, worry, dwell upon past mistakes etc, we are not using this law.

Your mind has the power to either limit you or excel you, it all depends on the control you have and the thoughts you entertain. Remember…you are not your mind, you are the controller of the thoughts that originate in the mind. When you take the time to monitor your thoughts you will notice how much we think negatively about ourselves and others.

Next time you notice yourself thinking negatively. No matter what the situation is, discard that thought straight away. Do not dwell upon these thoughts, just cut them off immediately and replace that thought with a positive one. Your mind knows your greatest fears, your mind knows your past mistakes, your insecurities and your mind likes to play tricks by creating stories based around these.

Any negative thought that is persisting in your mind is there because you are allowing it to be there. Remember…discard any negative thoughts immediately and only entertain the thoughts that benefit your growth. Contemplate this law and how it can have a dramatic effect in your life.

5… The Law of Insertion.

This law states that we have the power to insert any thought into our mind at any given time whether or not it fits into our preconceived ideas of reality. The law of insertion may very well be the most important law on this list, Just think about it. Thoughts are real forces that create our reality and we can insert any type of thought into our minds without any limitations. The only limits we have are the limits we place on ourselves.

Every day we should be inserting thoughts of health, abundance, joy and success into our minds. Every day we should be making a conscious effort to create the reality we want by only thinking thoughts that benefit our growth. When this law is used in accordance with the law of control, there is no limit to your potential.

We know that the mind cannot tell the difference between what is imagined or what is real. When we understand this then it is easy to understand how this law can transform your life and create an unstoppable mindset capable of great things.

6… The Law of Connection.

This law states that we live in two worlds simultaneously. We live in our inner world and our outer world. The problem for most of us is that we allow the outer world to control our lives and we are constantly reacting to what we perceive every day. If you understand this law then you will realize that our reality is largely determined by how we cultivate and control our inner world. Inner (cause) Outer (effect)

Because these two worlds are connected, it stands to reason that each one has an effect on the other. If you have never worked on yourself or if you have never taken the time to observe how you act and react to outside stimuli, then you will be largely affected by the outside world. It is widely known that our reality is created in the mind, so it is imperative that we stop reacting to what happens outside of ourselves and start to grasp the whole concept of influence created by both.

Two people can be looking at the exact same thing in the outer world and yet have a different reaction. This is all the proof you should need to help you understand that it is your inner world that creates how you see things and not the other way round. Take some time to contemplate this law and ask yourself which world has the greater influence on your reality.

If you can spare 20 minutes each day this week to just sit down in silence and contemplate, analyze and probe each law to gain a deeper understanding on how they can enhance your life, you will begin to see just how important they can be if used regularly.

If you have anything to add or your own experiences to share I would love to hear from you. Please share this post, leave a comment or subscribe to the blog for future updates, take care and as always, have a wonderful day.

Declan.