my beliefs have changed

More and more I find myself at odds with the religious holidays.
Quite a few years ago I started to question my religious beliefs,I read a lot of posts from Atheists and agnostics. Eventually my belief had boiled down to there might have been a creator. Now I am questioning that as well.
I truly wish there was a God, but I don't believe there is.
I find myself profoundly agitated when I see and hear people asking for prayers for themselves or others. My first instinct is to tell them get off their collective asses and do something about what they want prayers for.
I am sick of hearing ministers, priests and leaders telling us to believe and have faith. I am almost positive that if there were no god they would learn to take care of them selves and others in a manner that would not require intervention or god or others.
I am appalled at the way religions is used to move, force or strike fear into the lives of believers.
In fact that was my first wayward thought, that religions was to sooth and manipulate the peoples of the earth.
To me a religion is a manipulating, fear mongering  greed fest.
It is also blatantly used to make war on people that believe other people that do not believe as the oppressors do.
History shows that almost all the religions I have researched have been the aggressors and killers of people.
How can anyone possibly in that.
I don't understand those that expect a god to help when they should be intelligent enough to work out their own problems.
I think that 90 percent of the problem would disappear if there were no religions.
there would be no panhandling of a better place after you die.
One of the best things I ever read was a man died and went to heaven and God asked hi" well what did you thing of heaven when you were alive"
That is what I believe we make our own heaven or hell.

Random thoughts of the day

I haven't written any thing for a good long while. It seems to me that I only blog when I am upset about something, and hopefully how I found the answer I needed to go back to my balanced life, if there is such a thing.
But that being said I do recommend blogging even if it is for your own sanity. I do not have any one I would trust to listen and not judge or try to fix me.
Yes I do have a wonderful daughter I can talk to but she is under enough pressure for me to put more on her shoulders. I try to do what I can to help her and most of the time that is listening to her rant ( justifiably so ). I do come up with a few word of wisdom to pass along and the choice is hers as to weather she accepts it or not.
Old age is trying to settle in and I am trying to not let that happen with out a fight.I am 73and on most days I feel like I am about 49, on not so good days, and there are not a lot of them around 65.
When I do look in the mirror I see some one in their early 70's, and yet I have met quite a lot of people who are younger than me that look a lot older.
I believe I am very fortunate to have relatively good health.
I belong to a group of mostly seniors all the way up to 94, and there are 3 ninety four year olds, until last September 2 of them drove their cars to the meetings. They both have had falls and must not drive any more, but there is a 91 year old that still does. They are my hero's, I tried to get to know them and spend time talking to them they were all  great readers, and were always looking to learn new things. I have always believed that a closed mind is a dying mind.

Interesting lesson

I just read a quote, "every thing you ever wanted is on the other side of fear"I can speak of a personal experience about this.
Very recently I applied for a grant for home renovations, not really expecting to get it. I did the paper work and got the quotes for work in my bathroom, The lowest was $17,444.00, I was shocked and a bit dazed. I have been accustomed to doing repairs in a cheap and tiny amount of work. Over all I got a fair bit of work done, but my bathroom was a different story. In the past I did replace the sink and counter top because the old one broke, a few years later I got the floor tiled and a new toilet . and yet still had a harvest gold tub and 70't plumbing.
The new work was basically for wall to wall plumbing and renovations, as well as a new tile shower with glass frame less doors.
As it stands today it is a beautiful bathroom as promised by the contractor.
Now the part about the fear, I was terrified about every step, I had to have strange people in my home, it was awful as I am a hoarder and my house is a hell of a mess. but the came and did their work, the only thing I heard was when I had apologizes for the 130 time about the mess was," I don't see a mess, I do see organized chaos ". and in so many ways this is so true.
The work was done as men and equipment and material was available, so it took about 3 1?2 weeks, at times it was frustrating as I wasn't kept in the loop, and was there fore always on edge, but I struggled through.
The biggest problem I can name was my belief that I didn't deserve this, how I came to that conclusion I will never know except I have felt that way about many things.
The end product is so lovely and I am so proud that I even push baskets and boxes away so I can show some one my new bathroom. I am now working on that I am a good person and do deserve good stuff in her life

updates,

It has been a while since I have written any thing, I believe that I write mostly when I am going through a time in my life that scares me, or frustrates me, and lately I have been doing fairly good, no problems going on now at the moment.
I now have 2 cats, Nubbins the little feral cat I found is a beautiful young male who is the joy of my life and Pip a tuxedo cat that I got from my daughter to keep Nubbins company, less mischief and damage to my place.
I am having some difficulty keeping my home neat and tidy, I have always been a bit of a hoarder and now my place is over crowed again, \. Thankfully my daughter is going to come over on Sunday and help me tame it down.
I can't honestly say where the hoarding came from but I do suspect it was from the fact that my ex husband was known for midnight moves and leaving all our belongings behind. If it weren't for my mother I would not have one picture of my first daughter who died April 3, 1968. He was also great for putting our stuff in storage and then not paying the storage fees that is how I lost pictures, keepsakes and a lot of personal belongings. I am so truly grateful he is no longer part of my life.

Some thing I want to print

Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty. Honesty is telling the truth....in other words, conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words, in other words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations This requires an integrated character, a oneness, primarily with self but also with others.

Words For Parting

He is made one with Nature; there is heard His voice in all her music, from the moan Of thunder, to the song of night's sweet bird; He is a presence to be felt and known In darkness and in light, from herb and stone... He is a portion of the loveliness Which once he made more lovely. Words for Parting: 2 The courage of the early morning's dawning, And the strength of the eternal hill, And the peace of the evening's ending, And the love of God, be in our hearts. Words for Parting: 3 Farewell! The world is better for your having lived, We are better for having known you. We loved you living- we love you now. Farewell! Words for Parting: 4 Farewell, traveler. We do not know your destination but our love and gratitude go with you. Rest now- in peace- and in the love we bear you.

excellent ideas for self