this prayer I totally understand and love

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within. 
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. 
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. 
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. 
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,

My Depression is gone

When I woke up this morning I felt different, and couldn't quite put my finger on it, and with in a few moment I realized that for the past few days I have actually felt happy,  I feel so much better, normal is the word i am looking for,I am not sure if it is finally being over Jim or what, all I know is I feel wonderful and all is great in my world.

Today I am so grateful

The more I think about my history of relationships I am truly grateful that I am on my own. I believe that I have learned a great deal about myself, as well am able to resist changing myself to some one else s idea of what and  who I should be.
Being very familiar with my ways of attracting and trying to keep a man in my life , I believe I must change, and in my opinion, have.
Now I am not willing to settle for less than what I want in a partner, I am not willing to give up my wants, need, and desire to please a man. I will not be a nurse nor a purse. I will find a partner that will respect me as I am, honor and protect me. Some one who wants all that I do and is more than willing to work with me rather than try to get me to agree.
I know he is out there some where, and I am equally positive that I will meet and recognize him. That I will be the partner he has spent a long time looking for.
Today I am happy, and all is good in my world

Merry Christmas

I am feeling a bit more settled, I was in a tailspin about Jim one minute I kept thinking I had made a mistake and wanted to try again, then I would remember what it really was like living with him and I would think I had made the right decision. Well on the 23 he phoned me and told me he has given a ring to an old flame , some one who he would seek out when I was giving him a rough time, I do not believe he was doing any thing but talking but she kept telling him I was no good for him and for him to leave, Well he is all hers and that is going to be the most toxic mix that I have ever witnessed .I can not see this doing him any good and I do not say that in glee, but rather concern as he is 70 and very easily upset and depressed. Both Rita (his wife) and I believe that it is going to be a disaster, and I feel sort of sad as he is blind  to what is going on, but that being said he blindly believes he can deal with it
I can only say "go and be happy in the life you have chosen" (Charles Dickens)

permission granted

Are you waiting for permission?

For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.

I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.

And then it hit me.

I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.

There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.

In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.

If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.

I hereby grant you lifelong permission.

I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.

You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.

And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.

I grant you permission.

I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.

I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.

I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.

I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.

I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.

I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.

Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.

You can do it. It’s OK.

charity, has lost its good intention

I just read an email, about a "food for all summit meeting" that is going to be held on November 30. I will not join this group because I am sick and tired of seeing people with possibly good intentions trying to help the less fortunate and in this case starving children. I admire their intentions and wish them well, but every time there is a call for help and we step up to the plate, example 911 and Haiti, the actual people never see the results of these programs. Yes the gather huge amounts of money and supplies and then the greedy people step in and take their share 90% off the top and then there are all those people that must be paid to deliver, organize. and distribute what pitiful amount is left, and who is saved, generally not one poor soul that needed desperately the aid to begin with,. Charity has become a big business and there are very few charities where by the end dollar actually gets to the person for which the charity is held.
I know there are those who say even if only a few people are saved it is a job well done, but there has to be a way that people can help others and their effort not be in vain.

thoughts for today

I seem to be running around in circles. I find something that I believe will aid my life and go whole hog and then I seem to loose momentum.I have to question my motives, when I start out I am looking forward to what will happen, and then for some reason I give up.
I honestly believe this is self sabotage, in one way or another, and perhaps I should discover why I keep doing this to my self.
To the best of my knowledge I am not a horrible nor a bad person. Yes I have done some thing wrong, but from childhood I have always felt unworthy.
this could be a part of my learning as a child that my step mother didn't want me or my brother around. And yes this woman was not a very nice person and left a lot of scars in my life. But I was a child, now I am a grandmother and still he cutting words seem to dominate my life.
How I will ever get bast this worthless, useless feeling is beyond me, and that is sad as It is taking away any Chance of advancement I try.
How do I start today with this is a whole new day, what happened yesterday or a life time ago, can not affect me. I am better than that .