Shame , shame , on you

I just read an article about a woman who lived with shame. Sound familiar, well it sure did to me. I am 70 years old and still let shame keep me back, I allow it to rule my days and nights.
What am I ashamed of, well for one I am so ashamed of my body, I am short fat, and I believed ugly. I said I believed ugly because that is what I was told in so many words, I remember when I was around 9 years old and my mother told me to keep my hair clean as it was the only redeeming feature I had, She told me when I was 11 years old she was so ashamed of me for being so fat that she never wanted to be seen with me in public. And I made that come true. If for any reason I was with my family in a public place I walked way behind them like I wasn't even with them, When I got married I got my Aunt to drive me to the church so my mother and dad never got to be seen with me. There is only one picture of me with the family and it was taken when my younger  brother got married, I had no choice but to be in it, but the look on my face is a horror to see, I look like a rabbit caught in the light of an oncoming truck, and that is how I felt when I was sent that picture about 3 years ago. I had never seen it befor that.




I made sure that never happened with my children, and yet I can recall obsessing about my daughters weight, as well as my sons. But that was for health reasons, when I found I was doing the same with my granddaughter I knew it was time to accept my self as I am and all those around me. It is not about your looks it is about your heart and soul.