Rant from the house

I am so tired and angry, mostly at myself for not being true to myself. I have a sort of friend, at one time I thought him to be my soulmate but , he proved time and time again that he was not. we separated and even knowing what kind of person he is I still wanted him back. Not to live with but rather as friend,
I was convinced that I could tolerate him in a friendship manner, but again I am questioning even that move.
All I know is when we are together I am happy, but with reservations, and when we are apart I wonder what he is up to.
This is where the anger comes in because I have kept a distance between us, he has chosen to treat me with far less consideration that I deserve.
My question to myself is has my keeping a distance from him and his visiting other women friends, in my mind he has reverted to his old ways, and this is not just with me but he also did this with his wife. I know he feels that he has to have as many admirers as possible hanging on his coat tails, and I know he doesn't give a fig for any of us,
All he wants is the pampering and petting  from all of us,
Now knowing this and I do, I am so angry with myself for hanging on to such a despicable person. I know what he is like and yet I call him and try to keep him as a friend, when I am treated like one of the haram.
I hate this as it makes me feel so used and shoddy.
I have never had a lot of friends and possibly that is why the ones I do have I treasure, and perhaps I expect that in return. Thus the feeling of being used.
The only recourse I can possibly see is to cut off this ally of despair and find my own way.
I am not dumb, I do know that when I am on my own I feel less than, but in this situation I am less than., the feeling I can work through, the situation is what it is, and that will not change, so I must.