5:30 am, reflections

Last night Jim admitted that he was unable to commit to me, this explained quite a bit to me about the distance we have had for so very long

Further to our discussion, around 4pm, I asked Jim if he ever cared for me and he said not for a very long time,And that he wished he was on his own , that he had no feeling for me what so ever.

I was so hurt, I have been living a lie for well over a year, I have been breaking my self into pieces because I couldn't seem to please him, he just became more and more distant.. 

I have to admit that I am so glad he is leaving, I feel so stupid for having put myself through all the hoops, and find out it didn't make one Iota of a difference.

I also feel betrayed because he kept making like it was my fault and it wasn't he said he is incapable of any feeling for any one, and he just wants to be on his own, 

Well I feel as if I have been kicked in the stomach and can't get my breath