What to do????????

one more time I find myself obsessing about Jim, Now countless time I have gone back and read my journal entries, and I am reminded about how he, never even cared for me and only stayed with me because it was a cheap place to live and I looked after him. This still hurts like blazes, in fact I am wondering if i am obsessing over him because I want to hurt him like he hurt me.I honestly do not want him back in my life, he is way to much of a drain on my energy and bank account. But I want to keep in touch with him and know what is going on in his life, so like what is my problem.
Possibly it is I want a relationship with a man that will love me as much as I loved Jim. I know I am more than capable of having a very loving passionate life style. and I admit it I miss it terribly, it may have been all pretend with Jim but I was head over heels in love with him. And I want that kind of feeling again, I know I can feel it I just can't see it happening with some one other than Jim, and yet IT will never happen again with him, I will not let that happen.
See how crazy and mixed up I get. I have been spending hours on the computer looking for sites with inspirational sayings and thoughts to get me through these awful days of longing. I found out about the "Law of Attraction" and I believe that it truly does work, but in order for it to work you have to be very clear and concise as to what you want to happen. and I get lost between the feelings and the vision. I keep putting Jim in as the lover because that is what worked for me before and yet my mind is saying "are you out of your #$%&^^**&^@ mind you do not ever want to go back and be with that man.
I feel as if I am lost and have no idea where I am at
., and am running around in circles chasing my own tail. What to do?

an excellent read, with a lot of wisdom

The Elephant Rope
~ Author Unknown

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Failure is part of learning; we should never give up the struggle in life.

written by Jason M Garcia, from It's all about women

Are you waiting for permission?

For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.

I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.

And then it hit me.

I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But, by whom?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.

There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ’em tiger.

In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.

If something sounded good, I was free to try it. Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to act on.

I hereby grant you lifelong permission.

I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.

You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.

And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worried mind.

I grant you permission.

I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.

I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.

I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.

I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.

I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.

I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.

Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.

You can do it. It’s OK.

Secrets no more

For years and years i have been a hoarder, at one time it was out of control, and some one  had to step in and help me. My home was never taken down to clean shiny you see on tv, but it was a lot less stuff around and I felt comfortable. But never comfortable enough to have some one new visit me in my home.I dreaded the days we had fire alarms and smoke detectors inspected because I had to let a stranger into my home or pay a fine and still have some one come back.When Jim lived with me , I tried to keep the hoarding down to a minimum, and he said it never bothered him. When he left I cleaned up my place and got rid of a lot of stuff, and yet I was and am still ashamed of my place,
This brings me to the present day, I made friends with a lady down the hall last march we go swimming together 3 times a week, I often visit her place and chat and have coffee, but I could never invite her into my place because of all the clutter. Yesterday my daughter was visiting me and Ann dropped over to ask me something, My daughter answered the door and of course invited her in. She talked to me a bit and asked me about the new bedding I had purchased and I told her I was not using it as it didn't look right in my bedroom, because my bedroom doesn't look like a bed room, it looks like a storage room for cloths.
Now she wants to help me make my bed room beautiful, and all sorts of stuff, and that is giving me panic attacks no end. I know she has good intentions  and means well, but honestly I don't want a beautiful bedroom. I know that sounds odd, but to me a beautiful bed room is like a show case to be looked at only and not used . I honestly can not say why I ever bought the bedding as it is a comforter and 5 fancy pillows that are beautiful but in reality a pain in the but as they end up on the floor when I go to bed or take a nap. What I have done is make more work for my self because I liked something in a store. And in fact I also own one other bedding set that is similar to this one and it to is in a box because it didn't look right.
Some how I have to find the courage to tell Ann that Yes I appreciate her wanting to help me but I do not want the room she has in her mind.

a LOVE LETTER TO MYSELF

  ROBIN'S CREED

I am a beautiful, happy healthy woman.I feel wonderful.My self confidence is back.

I am happy to do what ever it takes to live in a clean safe comfortable environment.

I am true to myself, and do not need to do any thing that is not good for me.

I will send out an aura of love, peace,and respect, and will accept the same back.

I am working every day on myself for myself.

I will every day express an attitude of gratitude for all the wonderful changes I see in my life.

I will love and respect the person I am because in this moment of time it is all perfect and as it is. 

living in the moment

for some reason i seem to have found something that I must learn, I found Byron Katie's site and have read and listened to her and I love it, As well I keep coming across other people who have written about living in the moment. I admit I thought it would be difficult. I t will take practice and work to do every day, and I am not even sure if I have got it, but I find myself very calm and not running around day dreaming or wishing or trying to manipulate what isn't real into something I want to be real. I would say my stress level is down to 40 percent as I said I am not sure if I got her message straight, and the reason why I say this I keep trying to argue with it. As in well that might work for that but I can see it working on this. I am thinking I must do the work and it will come to me.But I can not state how much better I feel as I don't have all the voices in my head telling me stuff that I thought was true and in fact was just a held on to for dear life belief.
I find that a lot of the self hatred I had for myself because I believed I was stupid, dumb, and just plain worthless are most certainly not true in fact any thing but. I didn't get to this wonderful age by luck. And if I was just a worthless piece of human flesh I assure you I would not be here.
I am and I am loving my life more now than I ever have in my life. I am happy and for no reason I can put my finger on,so this is good stuff, and will continue to work on it

Important information about Byron Katie

I found this wonderful beautiful wise woman on another site, some one was talking about attending one of her classes. so I Google her name. Wow what a woman and her "work" is just incredible and extremely incite ful
She has loads of work sheets you can download and gets you thinking from a whole new perspective. Please look her up.
The following pretty much is how
 she came to her being who she is
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always