Interesting lesson

I just read a quote, "every thing you ever wanted is on the other side of fear"I can speak of a personal experience about this.
Very recently I applied for a grant for home renovations, not really expecting to get it. I did the paper work and got the quotes for work in my bathroom, The lowest was $17,444.00, I was shocked and a bit dazed. I have been accustomed to doing repairs in a cheap and tiny amount of work. Over all I got a fair bit of work done, but my bathroom was a different story. In the past I did replace the sink and counter top because the old one broke, a few years later I got the floor tiled and a new toilet . and yet still had a harvest gold tub and 70't plumbing.
The new work was basically for wall to wall plumbing and renovations, as well as a new tile shower with glass frame less doors.
As it stands today it is a beautiful bathroom as promised by the contractor.
Now the part about the fear, I was terrified about every step, I had to have strange people in my home, it was awful as I am a hoarder and my house is a hell of a mess. but the came and did their work, the only thing I heard was when I had apologizes for the 130 time about the mess was," I don't see a mess, I do see organized chaos ". and in so many ways this is so true.
The work was done as men and equipment and material was available, so it took about 3 1?2 weeks, at times it was frustrating as I wasn't kept in the loop, and was there fore always on edge, but I struggled through.
The biggest problem I can name was my belief that I didn't deserve this, how I came to that conclusion I will never know except I have felt that way about many things.
The end product is so lovely and I am so proud that I even push baskets and boxes away so I can show some one my new bathroom. I am now working on that I am a good person and do deserve good stuff in her life

updates,

It has been a while since I have written any thing, I believe that I write mostly when I am going through a time in my life that scares me, or frustrates me, and lately I have been doing fairly good, no problems going on now at the moment.
I now have 2 cats, Nubbins the little feral cat I found is a beautiful young male who is the joy of my life and Pip a tuxedo cat that I got from my daughter to keep Nubbins company, less mischief and damage to my place.
I am having some difficulty keeping my home neat and tidy, I have always been a bit of a hoarder and now my place is over crowed again, \. Thankfully my daughter is going to come over on Sunday and help me tame it down.
I can't honestly say where the hoarding came from but I do suspect it was from the fact that my ex husband was known for midnight moves and leaving all our belongings behind. If it weren't for my mother I would not have one picture of my first daughter who died April 3, 1968. He was also great for putting our stuff in storage and then not paying the storage fees that is how I lost pictures, keepsakes and a lot of personal belongings. I am so truly grateful he is no longer part of my life.